Hyugas, Hot Springs, and Hinatachan
by Raziel12
Summary: Can Naruto possibly survive an ordeal involving Hyugas, hot springs, and of course, Hinata-chan?
1. Chapter 1

**Hyugas, Hot Springs, and Hinata-chan**

Hanabi Hyuga had been raised since birth to act with poise, grace, and dignity. However there was just something about Naruto Uzumaki that made her want to become very, very violent. It wasn't that she disliked the blonde. On the contrary, she was actually a little grateful to him. Ever since he'd defeated Neji, her cousin had actually started acting more like a cousin and less like a certain revenge obsessed Uchiha. The fact that he'd also stopped blathering on about 'unchangeable fate this' and 'immutable destiny that' was simply a bonus. Although if he'd started going on about the 'power of youth' she probably would have joined some of the more bloodthirsty members of the clan in calling for Uzumaki's head on a pike.

No, if she was honest with herself, her problem with Naruto stemmed entirely from his inability to grasp the completely obvious. How the hyperactive fool had managed to miss her sister's feelings for him boggled the mind. Despite all the blushes, the fainting spells, the packed lunches, and even the invitations to dinner with the clan, the fool actually thought that Hinata didn't want to be anything more than just friends. The only reasonable explanation she could think of was that the ignorant twit still thought of Hinata as 'one of the boys' and hadn't actually gotten around to seeing her as a woman. However, that was a problem that Hanabi could easily fix, but not because she hated seeing her sister cry. No, Hinata's tears had no effect on her. None. Zero. Zip. She was only doing it because she had nothing better to do. Yeah. Sure.

With her mind made up, it was simply a matter of finding the blonde in question, not a difficult task given the capabilities of the byakugan. Still, she couldn't help but feel a fresh surge of murderous intent when she realised where he was: on a tree… overlooking the hot springs… the female side of the hot springs. Eye twitching with barely suppressed rage, she stalked over to his hiding place.

"Naruto," she growled. "What do you think you're doing?"

He at least had the decency to look ashamed, as well he should. However it was then that he made his first mistake. Instead of throwing himself at her feet in a posture of absolute humility and contrition in a bid to ward off her righteous feminine anger, he instead opted to flash her what she presumed was supposed to be a winning smile.

"Hey, Hanabi, fancy meeting you here."

Her gaze, piercing even without the byakugan, took on laser-like intensity. "Yes, Naruto, what a happy coincidence. Out of the tree. Now."

"But why?" Naruto whined, looking not at all dissimilar from a kicked puppy.

"Because you're peeping and because I'll kill you if you don't."

"But I'm not peeping," he replied before proceeding to make mistake number two. "Besides, Hanabi, you couldn't kill me, not on your best day."

Hanabi took a deep breath, reminding herself that this was the man Hinata loved. Killing him would be a bad thing, although maybe it would be okay to cripple him. "I'm going to ask you again, Naruto, why are you in that tree?"

"Well it's like this, Kiba and I kind of made a bet."

"A bet?" Already Hanabi could feel a headache forming. "What kind of bet?"

"He bet that I couldn't sneak into the women's side of the hot springs without using any jutsu and not get caught. I figured it was probably a good idea to do some reconnaissance, you know, learn the layout of the women's side and all that." Naruto caught her glare. "Hey, I get a month of free ramen if I win, how could I say no to that?"

Hanabi was about to reply when she caught sight of what looked to be a familiar person entering the women's side of the hot springs. A quick activation of her byakugan confirmed what she suspected: Hinata was now in the hot springs. Hmmm… interesting.

Putting on her best smile, she motioned for Naruto to get out of the tree. "Look, Naruto how would you like some help?"

He frowned and shot her a suspicious look. "Why would you help me?"

Okay, so maybe he wasn't a complete idiot. "Um… because I like ramen too and if you win you have to uh… promise to split the ramen with me fifty-fifty."

Naruto grinned and jumped out of the tree. "I never knew you liked ramen so much Hanabi, maybe you're not so bad after all."

"Well ramen is the greatest thing in the world," Hanabi said, wondering how on earth she'd actually managed to say that without throwing up. "Now come on, look over there." She pointed past Naruto to part of the wall that ran around the hot springs.

"Look at what?" Naruto asked, turning around to study the wall more intently. "I don't see anything, what's the deal?"

Hanabi nearly fell over. Had he really fallen for what had to be the oldest trick in the book? Not one to question her luck, she took advantage of his lack of attention to hit him with a kick that would have done Sakura proud. A kick, she noted with no small amount of satisfaction, which sent him over the wall and into the hot springs.

X X X X

Contrary to common belief, Naruto could be thoughtful when the situation called for it. Flying through the air, he had ample time to contemplate just how much trouble he was in. If he were lucky there would only be civilians in the hot springs. Sure, they'd pelt him with buckets and bars of soap, but he'd been hit with worse. On the other hand, if there were kunoichi present, he'd have kunai, shuriken, jutsu and who knows what else to contend with. And if Sakura were there – he shivered – he might not make it out at all. Any other thoughts he might have had on the subject of vengeful women were lost as he hit the water with a tremendous splash.

"Grargh!" he spluttered as he flailed about in an attempt to clamber out of the water and onto one of the many rocks that dotted the hot springs. Then he froze. His hand was touching something and it was definitely not a rock. It was a lot softer than a rock. Crap… almost afraid of what he would see, he turned his head to look at what he was touching.

He was touching someone's chest and not just anyone's chest either. He had his hand on Hinata's chest. On. Her. Chest. He was so dead. But at least he'd die happy, after all it was a very nice chest. Wait… did he just put the words 'nice', 'chest', and 'Hinata' all in the same sentence? Crap. Unable to stop himself, and knowing that he was probably a dead man anyway and well if he was going to die, well he might as well make the most of things, he let his eyes wander over Hinata's barely covered form.

She was wearing little more than a towel that only just managed to preserve her modesty but did nothing to conceal how fine her figure had become. There was a faint sheen of moisture on her skin and an adorable blush on her face.

"Umm… Naruto… why are you on the women's side?"

Even her voice was cute, Naruto thought dumbly before his mouth, again, ran away with him. "You've really filled out, Hinata."

"Filled out?" Hinata repeated before the meaning of his words sank in and the light blush she had went into overdrive. "Filled out?" Naruto had finally, finally, finally noticed her. She needed to tell him how she felt. "Naruto…" she murmured as her eyes began to glaze. "I… I… I…"

"Hinata!" Naruto dove forward to catch her as she fainted. "Hinata!"

The other occupants of the hot springs had so far been too shocked to say or do anything, but his sudden shout combined with the fact that he was now cradling an unconscious and barely clad young woman in his arms finally spurred them into action. Violet action.

"Hinata," Naruto said, placing one hand on the lavender eyed woman's forehead as he tried desperately to keep her head above water without putting his other hand anywhere inappropriate. "Hinata, wake up!"

"Pervert!" Someone shouted.

"He's molesting that girl!"

Naruto twitched. "Hey, I'm not molesting anybody…" His voice trailed off as he took in the various buckets, bars of soap, kunai, shuriken, and even a stool that the women were preparing to throw. "Hey… hey… this isn't what it looks like…"

"Then what is it?" one of the women shouted.

"Well it's like this-" Naruto's explanation was cut off as someone else burst into the hot springs.

"Hinata!" Neji shouted. "I heard someone shout your name, are you…"

Neji stopped.

"Are you with him?" one of the women said as she pointed at Naruto.

"No… no… I… just… I thought… Hinata was… in trouble so I…"

Under different circumstance, Naruto would have found the image of the Hyuga prodigy cowering before a woman brandishing a bucket hilarious but somehow he got the feeling that laughing would be entirely the wrong thing to do. Instead he slowly began inching away from the crowd of angry women. What he had not counted on was Hinata regaining consciousness.

"Naruto…" Hinata murmured, shaking her head. "What… what's going on?"

"Hinata!" Neji's eyes were instantly drawn to Naruto and his cousin. "What are you doing to Hinata, Naruto?"

"Uh… nothing." Naruto felt a shiver run down his spine despite the heat of the water as Neji took one step forward and activated his byakugan. He needed to get out of here and fast, but how… he grinned as an idea popped into his mind. Neji would probably kill him, but from the look he was getting that was something the Hyuga genius planned to do anyway. "It was him!" Naruto shouted as he pointed at Neji. "It was all his idea! He just wanted to sneak in and peep on all of you!"

"What?" Neji squawked. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing!" He managed to take two steps towards Naruto before he went down in a hail of projectiles.

"Ouch." Naruto winced as a stool clattered off Neji's head. Now all he had to do was make his escape…

"Don't think we've forgotten about you!"

Naruto flinched as half of the women broke off from the assault on Neji and turned towards him. "Crap!" He got all of five steps away before a well-aimed bucket knocked him down. By the time he'd managed to regain his bearings he was completely surrounded.

"You're going to pay for peeping on us you pervert."

"Ummm…" He was so dead. Or was he? There was one card left to play. Drawing himself up to his full height he struck his most regal pose. "You can't kill me, after all I'm going to be Hoka-"

WHACK.

WHACK.

WHAM.

CRUNCH.

Gurgle…

X X X X

_Several hours and much bludgeoning later…_

"Hanabi Hyuga!"

Hanabi stopped dead in her tracks. That was Neji's voice. Slowly, she turned. "Yes, Neji, is something the matter?" she asked as she somehow managed to keep a straight face despite all the cuts, bruises, and bandages that her cousin sported. "You seem… unwell."

"Unwell?" Neji's repeated in disbelief. "Unwell? I almost died."

"Oh." Hanabi was careful to school her features into the perfect picture of innocence. "What happened?"

Neji glowered. "I think you know exactly what happened, or have you forgotten just how far my byakugan can see? You were laughing the whole time, Hanabi, laughing so hard that you could barely stand."

Well… damn. "You have to admit though, Neji, that it was kind of funny." Hanabi took a slow step back. "I mean… it was all Naruto's fault."

"Leave that idiot out of this. I've already," Neji paused as he searched for the right word. "Dealt with him. But he had some interesting things to say, Hanabi, something about you kicking him into the hot spring."

"I may have," Hanabi replied.

"I see." Neji's voice was far too calm as he activated his byakugan and settled into a fighting stance. "Hanabi Hyuga prepare to meet your fate!"

X X X X

Author's Notes

First of all, I neither own Naruto, nor am I making a dime off of this.

So yeah… this just popped into my head. I've always thought it was a shame that they never really expanded on Hanabi's character in the manga, because there's definitely a lot of potential there. That said, you can think of this as a companion piece to my other story "Paperwork , Tardiness, and Hokage-sama", because honestly, Naruto is so dense sometimes that he needs his own separate story. Besides, Hinata could use a break.

As always, I appreciate your feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

**Because Parents Are People Too**

Hiashi Hyuga watched with a mix of fascination and disgust as Naruto Uzumaki practically banged his head on the floor in his attempts to apologise. Undoubtedly, part of him – a very, very large part – was pleased. Like many of Konoha's more respectable citizens, he had found himself the target of the fool's pranks on more than one occasion. To see the boy grovelling was almost a dream come true. On the other hand, the part of him that loved his village was horrified. This fool was supposed to be the next Hokage? Kami help them all because surely no else would be able to.

"Get up," he growled. "You're denting my floor."

Naruto looked up from where, sure enough, a small dent had begun to form on the floor and smiled in what Hiashi assumed he thought was a charming manner. Frankly, Hiashi thought it made him look even more dim-witted than usual. And that was saying something. "Uh… sorry about your floor. It's just, you know, I'm really, really sorry about that whole thing with Hinata. I mean I'd never, ever do something like that on purpose."

"Oh?" Hiashi smirked inwardly as he let his eyes narrow. What he was about to do was incredibly petty but being Clan Head left him with so little time for personal amusement. He'd take what he could get. "Are you saying that you find my daughter unpleasant, that she is not worth pursuing?"

Naruto's face paled comically and had Hiashi been less skilled in controlling his emotions, he probably would have begun to cackle. "No! Wait, I mean… she's really pretty." Another winning – at least in Naruto's head – smile. "She's totally worth peeping on."

Hiashi felt the vein above his eye twitch, never a good sign, and reminded himself that simply reaching over and strangling the boy for his stupidity would be illegal. Honestly, did Naruto even think or did he simply grab his leg and begin cramming it into his mouth at the first available opportunity. Finally, the boy seemed to realise what he'd said and he began to flap his arms around, not unlike a pigeon.

"Wait – that's not what I meant! It really was an accident!"

Hiashi smiled, well aware of how utterly creepy it looked. "Oh really? Do tell."

"Well, basically, I was just minding my own business near the hot springs when Hanabi ambushed me and kicked me into the women's side." Naruto nodded sagely. "Yep, that's what happened."

For several moments, Hiashi said nothing. He was well aware of his younger daughter's deviousness. In fact, he was actually quite proud. Hinata's gentleness and compassion would be essential if the rift between the Main House and Branch House were to ever be healed, but Hanabi's ruthlessness and political guile would definitely prove useful in dealing with the inevitable dissent that such reconciliation would create.

It was so adorable watching Hanabi plot too. There was way she'd cackle when she thought nobody could hear her, or the way she'd spend hours rehearsing her speeches before the council so that she could deliver each caustic comment, each scathing rejoiner just so. Hiashi smiled. Her mother would have been so proud.

Still, he thought, whatever else was wrong with him, Naruto was supposedly the number one most surprising ninja of Konoha. He found it difficult to believe that Hanabi had surprised him. "Tell me, Naruto Uzumaki, do you honestly expect me to believe that you, the ninja who single-handedly defeated Pain, were outwitted by a girl who has only just made Chunin and then kicked into the hot springs?"

Naruto smiled sunnily. "Great. I was worried you wouldn't believe me."

Hiashi sighed and wondered if it was possible to be both a complete idiot and a genius at the same time. "I see…"

Just then someone knocked gently on the door

"Excuse me, father…" The door slid open and Hinata entered. His expression never wavered, but inwardly he rolled his eyes, for his daughter's face flushed a gentle pink the moment she laid eyes on the loud-mouthed blonde across the table from him. However, his expression did change when he noticed where Naruto was looking, or rather not looking. The blonde's eyes were not on his daughter's face, but somewhat lower, and worse the boy was making no move to conceal his rapt admiration for a certain well-developed part of Hinata's anatomy.

Hiashi took a deep, steadying breath. He had been young once and he liked to think himself a fair and reasonable man. He would give Naruto two seconds to move his eyes to somewhere more appropriate before he decided to take physical, and most likely very bloody, action. Which would be better, he wondered, strangulation, stabbing, or Gentle Fist? Probably stabbing. There were any number of objects nearby that he could use, and the Gentle Fist would only make it easier for the authorities to pin it on him.

Fortunately for all of them, Naruto chose to meet Hinata's eyes with about half a second to spare. Hiashi sighed. Killing the boy would only aggravate the Godaime and it wasn't like he could be any worse than the current Hokage **(1)**. It wasn't enough that the Rokudaime had to engage in relations outside of marriage. No, the silver-haired twit, had to go one better and do so on his own desk with his assistant who also happened to be his former student. How perverted. The office of Hokage deserved better. Although now that he thought about it, the Sandaime had been a fairly notorious pervert too…

Hiashi shook himself from his musings and turned to his daughter. "Hinata, why don't you join us? I was just talking to Naruto about the… incident at the hot springs."

Hinata turned the colour of a tomato and Hiashi couldn't help but wonder if her blushes weren't perhaps a threat to her health. "Oh… um… of course, father." She sat down next to him and looked quite resolutely at the table. Naruto of course, stared quite openly at her. The boy had no sense of self-preservation at all.

"Now, Naruto, there is the matter of restitution." Hiashi fixed Naruto with a glare.

"Huh?"

Hiashi raised his eyes to the heavens and counted backward from ten and when that didn't work, he counted backward from twenty. "You have, regardless of the circumstances, impugned my daughter's honour. I expect you to make amends."

Naruto's head bobbed up and down like so much flotsam on the open sea. "That seems fair." He grinned. "How about I take Hinata out to dinner or something? It'll be my treat."

Hinata blushed prettily and poked her fingers together. Hiashi stared and then stared some more. Only yesterday, she'd been using those fingers to gouge chunks out of the training dummies and now here she was poking them together like some kind of lovesick, adolescent schoolgirl. And that was to say nothing about Naruto's suggestion…

"So allow me to get this straight. For peeping on my daughter and brazenly fondling her, you wish to make restitution by taking her out to dinner?" Hiashi was tempted to bury his face in his hands. "Is that right?"

"Yep." Naruto smiled beatifically and Hiashi felt a headache forming.

"You don't think that's the least bit inappropriate?"

"Well, why would it be?" Naruto seemed genuinely puzzled. Such ignorance would have done a five year old proud.

"It might seem like you were being rewarded for your actions." Hiashi said each word slowly, somehow hoping that it would help. It didn't, he could tell, just by looking at the innocent smile on the boy's face that nothing he was saying was sinking in. Kami have mercy on them all, this was the boy Hinata wanted to marry. A sudden, disconcerting image flashed through his mind: a whole slew of children with lilac eyes and spiky blonde hair poking their fingers together as they giggled maniacally over their latest prank. He paled. What if their children had the byakugan? No place in Konoha would safe.

"So what should I do instead?" Naruto asked.

"I think a formal, written apology would be best followed by a material token of apology. That is, a gift," Hiashi replied, before mentally adding: and perhaps a pint or two of blood? Maybe your head? Yes, your head on a pike would be good.

"I guess I can do that." Naruto looked at Hinata. "So what do you want me to get you?"

Hinata blushed again. Was that normal, Hiashi wondered? Surely blushing so much couldn't be healthy. "I'm sure that anything you get me will be lovely."

"You're the best, Hinata."

Hiashi reached for the cup of tea in front of him and desperately wished it were sake. "The point of your gift is to expression your contrition. It is supposed to demonstrate your thoughtfulness and care. You do not just ask the person you're giving it to what they want."

Naruto frowned slightly. "That's not very smart. Isn't the whole point of the gift to make them feel better too? The best way to do that is to make sure they get something they like and doesn't asking them make sure of that?"

Hiashi took a long, long sip of tea. He had zero interest in explaining the intricacies of formal etiquette to Naruto. "Be that as it may, it is how things are done."

"I guess." Naruto grumbled. "It's still dumb though."

"Even so, I expect a formal written apology by tomorrow morning and if you feel that you must ask Hinata what she wants, you may include that in a separate letter." Hiashi's gaze took on razor sharpness. "Ramen would have been a most unsuitable choice for a gift."

"I wouldn't have gotten her ramen," Naruto muttered, although the way he looked off to the side gave the game away. Hiashi had been entirely correct in his assessment.

"And Naruto," Hiashi continued. "I also expect the letter to be delivered personally." He took careful note of the expression of exquisite joy on Hinata's face and tried not to vomit. "But so help me, if anything the least bit inappropriate happens, I will hold you personally responsible and you don't want that."

Naruto grimaced. "I don't?"

"No, you don't." Hiashi smiled widely. "Because then I would have to castrate you." Naruto gulped and Hiashi pressed on, his voice taking on a hint of glee. "Doubtless, the Kyuubi would heal you, but that just means I could do it again, and again, and again." His smiled vanished completely. "Am I understood?"

Finally struck speechless, Naruto turned pale, very pale before nodding slowly. "Yes."

Hiashi brightened immediately. "Very good. Hinata, please see Naruto out and then find your sister. Tell her that I wish to speak with her."

Watching the blonde practically trip over himself in his haste to leave, Hiashi allowed himself a quiet chuckle. Yes, he still had it. And then, just because a discrete look around with his byakugan let him know that no one was nearby, he began to cackle.

X X X

First of all, I neither own Naruto nor am I making a dime off this.

So, here's the second part. It's been a long time coming, but I had a day off and decided I'd do something productive (as productive as writing a fanfic can be, anyway). I thought it would be interesting looking at things from a different point of view and Hiashi seemed like the best character for it.

As always, I look forward to your feedback. Reviews and comments are appreciated.

Actual Notes:

**(1)** – This is a reference to my other fanfic "Paperwork, Tardiness, and Hokage-sama".


	3. Chapter 3

**When You Have Friends Like These…**

Hinata didn't see herself as a particularly brave person. After all, it had taken her years to gather enough courage to stand up to Neji and her father. Still, when she needed to, she could be just as brave as anyone else. Hadn't she faced Neji during the Chunin Exams, knowing full well how much he wanted to hurt her? And only a few years later, hadn't she faced Pain knowing that he would kill her? Yes, she had, and just because she didn't have a great catch phrase, a cool brooding looking, or even a nice guy pose didn't mean that she couldn't be brave. She was just… quieter about it.

Incidentally, her lack of a catch phrase wasn't due to a lack of effort. During her younger, more impressionable years, she'd actually tried a few. Not surprisingly, she'd been especially drawn to the catch phrase of a certain blue-eyed blonde. And by that she did _not_ mean Ino Yamanaka. Screaming "forehead" at the top of her lungs was hardly going to convince anyone of her bravery. On the contrary, it would probably have just resulted in Naruto thinking of her as a "crazy, shy, dark weirdo" instead of just a "shy, dark weirdo". Not exactly the sort of impression she wanted to encourage at all – unless he was into that.

But "believe it!"… those were words that she could use, that she could, well, believe in.

And so she'd practiced them in front of the mirror in her room.

"I'm going to earn your respect, father, believe it!" she'd shouted (at least in her mind she'd shouted, anyone else would have considered it more of a squeak).

It had felt surprisingly good and she'd managed to practice it a few more times before the worst possible thing had happened. Her father had barged in, ready to berate her on her poor performance at the academy, just as she'd finally managed to muster up the courage to _really_ give her reflection a good shouting at.

"I'm going to earn your respect, father, BELIEVE IT!"

He'd dropped the cup of tea he'd been carrying to the ground, along with her report card, and stared at her, pole-axed, and then stared some more. And then his face had grown eerily pale, before he'd finally turned and run out of her room as fast as he possibly could while still maintaining his dignity.

She liked to believe that he'd run off because she wasn't fully dressed and realising that your daughter wasn't washboard flat anymore had to be slightly traumatic, even for someone like him. A much more likely – and altogether more depressing – explanation was that the sight of his half-naked daughter screaming the village pariah's favourite phrase at her mirror had, quite possibly, done some serious damage to both his mind and his brain.

It was, needless to say, not something that had ever come up in conversation again and she was hopeful that he'd forgotten all about it. After all, parents caught their children doing embarrassing things all the time and compared to some of the things she'd heard other children get caught doing, her little indiscretion didn't seem half bad.

(Little did she know, but her father had not, in fact, forgotten anything. Indeed the incident had alerted him to the clear and all too present danger that was one Naruto Uzumaki. However his pleas to the Sandaime to have the blonde quietly "removed" fell on deaf ears. Luckily for him, he never pursued the matter with the Godaime. Tsunade wouldn't have just laughed like Sarutobi had. She'd have laughed while using his face to stamp her paperwork, thereby leaving Hanabi and Hinata parentless and the Hyuga in search of another Clan Head. It was no coincidence either, that the very night the Sandaime refused to have Naruto "removed" was also the night that Hiashi first dreamed of blonde children with the byakugan, a dream that he would have many, many times in the future. That dream would eventually cause him to develop a nervous twitch over his right eye that some of the more imaginative members of the clan mistakenly attributed to a minor stroke caused by an excess of stress.)

But back to the situation at hand, Hinata did like to think that she could be brave when she needed to be, but the gaggle of kunoichi currently occupying one of the larger rooms in the Hyuga estate would have terrified anyone, not just her. Indeed, both her father and her cousin Neji had only taken one look into the room before fleeing, Neji doing his best to look anywhere other than at Tenten. It hadn't taken her long to work out why. Tenten had activated her "puppy dog" eyes and only the most cold-hearted of monsters would not have been won over by those chocolate-coloured depths. Had he looked, Hinata had no doubt that he would have caved and then he probably would have spent the whole afternoon fetching drinks and snacks for them.

Only one Hyuga had shown the courage required to enter the room full of kunoichi: Hanabi. Her younger sister had entered the room with a spring in her step and then settled back to watch the other kunoichi descend on Hinata with the same sort of blissful glee that a lion might display after stumbling upon a one-legged gazelle.

"So, Hinata, when were you planning on telling us about what happened at the hot springs?" Ino asked.

Hinata squirmed and wondered if wasn't too late to flee. Hmm… the door wasn't that far, but there were probably too many of them. Perhaps a kaiten could buy her enough time? "I was going to tell you…"

"Really?"

Hinata didn't like the gleam in Ino's eyes. It was the same look she'd worn just before convincing Tenten that Neji needed a hair cut and that had ended in tears (mostly for Ino, because Neji knew better than to blame Tenten, who not only had a penchant for pointy things, but prodigious talent in throwing them, as well… he also loved her… there was that too… but mainly it was the pointy things).

As discretely as she could, Hinata glanced at Sakura, hoping that the pink-haired woman might interrupt as she so often did on the pretext that anything that annoyed Ino had to be good. Hinata gulped. Sakura was wearing the exact same expression as her blonde friend, and that could only mean trouble.

"Really, Ino, I was going to tell you. I was just a little… uh… busy."

"You know, Hinata, I had to interrogate Neji for hours just to find out about the whole thing." Tenten was twiddling a kunai in her hands.

"What do you mean you 'interrogated' Neji?" Ino asked innocently.

Hinata blushed immediately.

"Exactly what I said," Tenten replied, clearly not getting it. "Wait…" she trailed off and then turned bright red, adjusting her grip on the kunai in her hands. "Not like that, Ino! I meant that I questioned him, okay? I had to question Neji for hours!"

Ino smirked. "Is that what they're calling it these days? Questioning?"

Seeing that Ino was about half a second away from becoming a pincushion, Hinata quickly brushed one hand along Tenten's arm, hitting several tenketsu along the way. Immediately, the brunette's arm went slack.

"Hey!" Tenten shouted.

"Um… sorry." Hinata smiled apologetically before she caught sight of Ino making faces at Tenten. Grinning inwardly, she added, "But um… blood is really hard to get out of the tatami." Instantly, the smug look dropped off Ino's face and Hinata suppressed the urge to cackle. Her father and Hanabi were already cacklers and the last thing she needed was for people to think she was shy and crazy.

"Enough of that, guys." Sakura scowled and raised one petite fist. Involuntarily, most of the people at the table flinched. They'd all seen plenty of people take a beating at Sakura's hands and had no desire to add their names to the list of people maimed and then healed and then maimed again by the medic. Even Naruto, with his unbelievable ability to absorb damage, knew better than to aggravate Sakura. "We're not here to mess around. We're here about Hinata."

Most of the time, Hinata really admired Sakura's focus and drive. Right now, however, she was ruing the fact that she was too far to slip in a quick Gentle Fist strike when the other woman was distracted. "Um… Sakura, there really isn't all that much to talk about. It was just an accident."

Ino waved one hand. "Yeah, yeah, we know that already. However I happen to know that something else happened afterward that you aren't telling us about."

"Afterward?" Hinata had a naturally innocent sounding voice and so, in a bid to deflect suspicion, she added enough sweetness to her tone to drown a small country in sugary goodness. "What do you mean?"

"You know, about his written apology and that gift that he has to give you!" Ino all but shouted.

"Um… I forgot?" Inwardly, Hinata winced at the sheer lameness of her excuse. But who could have told them? Her father wouldn't have – he'd probably have chosen death by blunt kunai first – and Neji wouldn't have either because Tenten wouldn't have known to interrogate him about it.

Just then she heard a muffled cackle and turned to look at Hanabi. That little… it was her! Had Hinata been an Uchiha, her sharingan would immediately have gone mangekyou and Hanabi would have been reduced to a pile of ash by the righteous black fire of Amaterasu. As it was, Hinata was not an Uchiha, so she had to settle for thinking some very nasty thoughts and glaring at her sister, hoping that she could convey some small fraction of her ire through her eyes. She must not have been doing a very good job, because Hanabi continued to struggle to contain her mirth, finally failing entirely and drawing several disturbed looks from the other kunoichi.

"You did not forget," Ino replied as Tenten and Sakura nodded sagely in agreement. "You just didn't want us to know."

Hinata grimaced. That was exactly right, but she knew better than to say that. She enjoyed living too much.

"Just leave her alone, it's her business what she gets up to with that blonde idiot."

Hinata looked over at Temari who had just spoken for the first time and smiled gratefully. The other woman had always seemed a little brusque and rough around the edges, but perhaps she'd misjudged her.

"Although if you ask me, she should probably just tie him down and have her way with him. He'd have no choice but to marry her then. Either that or he father would gut him."

Or not.

"I don't want to force Naruto into anything," Hinata said. As enjoyable as tying down a consenting Naruto might be, the thought of forcing Naruto into marriage like that was actually a little nauseating. She'd never hurt him that way.

"Well then, have you given any thought to what you want for a gift?" Sakura asked. "He's actually okay in the money department, what with all the missions he does and his inheritance. It helps too, that he doesn't really splurge on anything except ramen."

Hinata nodded. Naruto's parentage had been revealed not long after the final defeat of Akatuski and had led to no small number of marriage proposals. Thankfully, he'd seen straight through those brazen, opportunistic hussies and turned all of them down. On the up side, his background was now respectable enough that she could finally contemplate making a serious move on him without the Hyuga council grabbing their stakes and pitchforks (or, more likely, their kunai and shuriken – they were ninjas, after all).

"He said anything, right?" Ino asked, heavy, heavy emphasis on the 'anything'. And if that weren't enough, she had to wink and nod suggestively at the same time too. It actually looked a little like she might be having some kind of seizure and Hinata was tempted to switch on her byakugan just to make sure that Ino hadn't blown a blood vessel in her brain. She wouldn't want Ino to develop a nervous twitch above her eye like her father had.

"Well, he did say anything…" Hinata admitted, blushing at all the wonderfully romantic (and deliciously scandalous) possibilities. "But I don't think he means _anything_." She swallowed and forced herself to think of other, less pleasant possibilities, like what it would have been like to fight Pain if he'd been wearing a bikini. Shudder. "I mean… it wouldn't be nice to make him hold me… or kiss me… or… or…" She blinked, realising that she'd said far too much and struggled not to swear. Her mouth had managed to get away from her while she'd been distracted by all the intriguing thoughts that Ino's suggestion had planted. At least she'd managed to stop herself before she said anything more… incriminating.

"And then?" Ino looked like she wanted to grab Hinata and shake her, as though her stopping mid-sentence was one of the worst things in history, right up there with the destruction of Konoha. "And then what? Come on, let us into that head of yours, Hinata."

Hinata shook her head. "I'm not telling."

Ino grinned and slunk over to Hinata. "I bet it was something naughty, wasn't it?" Hinata froze. "Maybe an activity for two?" Hinata's face turned a deep, cherry red. "Alone in your bedroom?" Hinata swayed, on the verge of passing out and Ino smirked and went for the kill. "Was it… studying?"

Caught up in her most delightfully inappropriate fantasy of the afternoon, one which involved Naruto as the Hokage in private "negotiations" with a certain Heiress of the Hyuga Clan, Hinata took several moments to realise exactly what Ino had just said. Wait. Studying? She smiled. They weren't studying at all. They were… her eyes widened as she realised that Ino was looking at her with an all too knowing smirk. Quickly, she tried to come up with an excuse, but all that came out was a garbled cry of: "Grargh!"

It took several moments for the laughter of the other girls to subside, and for Hinata to bludgeon her rebelliously licentious mental faculties back into obedience.

"Seriously though, Hinata, what do you want him to give you?" Sakura asked.

"Well… he did say that he'd taken me out to dinner at Toshiro's in the evening." The girls all sighed appreciatively and Hinata didn't blame them. Toshiro's was one of the finest restaurants in the village. It was expensive and exclusive almost to the point of absurdity, but the food was incredible. Most of them had probably also expected him to try and take her out to dinner at Ichiraku's. She wouldn't have minded that too much – it was a special place for him – but part of her really did enjoy the prospect of being pampered by the person she loved. Indeed, in her mind, that part of her was currently doing a victory dance while beating the part of her that had dared doubt Naruto to death with a metal fold-up chair. "So I thought that maybe I could ask to spend the whole day with him before dinner, as well."

Silence.

"That's actually really sweet," Sakura said slowly.

Ino, of course, disagreed. "Didn't you hear what Sakura said? He's got cash to burn. You can at least take him shopping. That way you can spend the whole day with him and get some stuff out of the deal too."

Temari laughed. "You're probably the only one who's ever going to ask to spend an entire day with him."

Hinata had to physically restrain herself from reminding the blonde about all the time she spent with a certain lazy ninja who spent most of his days staring at clouds. Instead, she settled for growling at Temari in her head. She'd tried growling at someone out loud once, but that hadn't turned out so well. Apparently, she just ended up sounding cute.

"Well, it's something different, I guess." Tenten smiled. "I'm sure Naruto wouldn't mind. But it's supposed to be tomorrow, right? Do you even know what he's doing tomorrow?"

Hinata paused. She hadn't considered that. Sakura caught her unsure look and grimaced. "Actually, Hinata, you might want to change your mind. It's Tuesday tomorrow and normally he spends Tuesday with Sasuke."

"Somehow, that just sounds wrong," Ino said although the dreamy look on her face disagreed.

"Quiet, Ino!" Sakura waved one fist in the air. "They're best friends, damn it, and it's not like Sasuke really gets along with anyone else. He tried hanging out with Kakashi and me, but lately, he's just stopped coming by."

Hinata forced herself to keep a straight face. She happened to know just why Sasuke had been avoiding Sakura and Kakashi like the plague. She'd run across the Uchiha one evening muttering something about "Kakashi and Sakura… and that damn desk". He'd probably had the misfortune of walking in on them like she and Naruto had, not too long ago. Add to that, the fact that he almost always had his sharingan on and the odds were pretty good that Sasuke had the sight of his former teacher and teammate being intimate on a table burned permanently into his brain.

"Well, I don't mind," Hinata said quietly. "Sasuke is Naruto's best friend and if I want to be with Naruto, then I'm going to need to know more about his friends. I already know about all of the others, but I've never really talked to Sasuke before."

"I guess," Sakura conceded. "But if he's mean to you, don't worry. Just tell Naruto and he'll beat him up for you. Honestly, it's like those two don't even need an excuse to fight. They probably think that they're bonding." Sakura put both hands up and used her fingers to form inverted commas around the word 'bonding'.

Tenten nodded. "Yeah, we all know how much Sasuke's opinion means to Naruto, not that I really understand why. He did sort of put a chidori through his chest." Tenten smiled. "Just think of it this way, if you can get Sasuke to like you, then you know for sure that you and Naruto are truly destined to be together." She frowned when she realised that everyone was staring at her. "What?"

"For a moment there, you sounded just like Neji," Hinata said.

"Oh." Tenten flushed. "Sorry about that."

"Yeah it's fine, just so long as you don't go on about the youthful springtime of Hinata and Naruto's love," Ino taunted.

Hinata blushed a little at the use of the word love in the same sentence as her and Naruto and looked over at Hanabi. So far, her younger sister hadn't said anything. Maybe she didn't have anything to say? "Hanabi, what do you think?"

"Just wear some orange, Hinata. Naruto seems to like orange."

Hinata smiled. That was actually good advice. Naruto did like orange very much – perhaps a little too much for a ninja – and she had a lovely black kimono with orange maple leaves on it that she could wear.

And then Hanabi's smile turned absolutely wicked. "And no, I don't mean your maple leaf kimono."

"What?" Hinata was suddenly feeling a little ill. She owned precisely two sets of orange clothing and there was no way that Hanabi could possibly know about the other…

"I meant, wear something orange underneath."

Hinata froze. Hanabi couldn't know about _those_. There was just no way that she could know. Somehow managing to keep her blush at bay, Hinata forced herself to act calm. Maybe Hanabi was bluffing. "I don't have any other orange clothing."

Hanabi smirked. "Wave Country."

Hinata paled and was dimly aware of all the other girls silently watching the unfolding moment of abject embarrassment in rapt fascination. "What?"

"You heard me." Hanabi's eyes met hers. "Wave Country."

Hinata swallowed. She knew, somehow Hanabi knew. In honour of their legendary hero, Wave Country had come up with all sorts of Naruto inspired merchandise. There were Naruto actions figures, Naruto comics, and even a Naruto clothing line. The clothing line had everything, jackets, shoes, pants, shirts, and even hats, all of it in a bright, garish orange. And then there was the lingerie, the nicely styled, quite comfortable, and oddly seductive lingerie. In fact, had they been a more conventional colour, they probably would have sold very well. Not that Hinta cared about the colour.

Several moments passed and still Hinata said nothing, hoping with all her might that Hanabi might let the matter drop. She should have been more worried about Sakura. The medic's eyes widened comically in realisation and Hinata found herself sending a silent prayer to Kami for mercy.

"Don't tell me that you bought the limited edition Naruto Uzumaki underwear for women in bright orange?" Sakura blurted.

Hinata could have died right then. But the world could be a very, very cruel place. So rather than dying, she had no choice but to listen as Sakura hurtled on with all the subtlety of a rasen shuriken to the face.

"The ones with his name and signature on the front and the back in big letters?"

Yes, Hinata thought, covering her face with her hands, if Kami were merciful then he would strike her down right now with a bolt of lightning. She actually waited, hoping to hear the peal of thunder, but all she got were her sister's cackles, as though watching her die of embarrassment was the most hilarious thing ever. To Hanabi, it probably was.

"Wait," Ino stammered, looking back and forth between Sakura and Hinata. "What? Naruto has an underwear brand? And how do you know about that, forehead?"

Sakura made a disgusted sound. "Naruto wears the male brand. He bragged about it for weeks when they came out." She looked over at Hinata. "Well, did you buy them or not?"

If possible, Hinata blushed even harder than she already was. Maybe tomorrow, if she met Sasuke, she could enquire about possibly borrowing him so that he could Amaterasu Hanabi. She'd also ask him to teach her Kirin. Then she'd use it on herself. Repeatedly.

Sakura's jaw dropped as she put together the reason for Hinata's growing embarrassment. "No way… you're wearing them right now, aren't you?"

Ino gaped.

Hinata poked her fingers together. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Ino barked as she stood. "It's either yes or no."

Hinata stood, as well, and backed slowly toward the door. Wait, she couldn't run away. She had to stand up for herself. Drawing herself to her full, not particularly impressive height, she used her most threatening voice, calling upon her courage and the authority she wielded as Heiress of the Hyuga Clan. "My underwear is none of your business, Ino Yamanaka."

In retrospect it was a mistake. All actions had consequences, and provoking Ino was always a dangerous thing to do, not to mention all the horrible things that usually accompanied her trying to be brave. For example:

Standing up to Neji = Massive, near crippling injuries and days spent near death.

Standing up to Pain = Massive, near crippling injuries and days spent near death.

However standing up to Ino would prove to be much, much worse.

With a scream that would have done a banshee proud, Ino leapt at her. Startled, because honestly who just leapt like that at people in their own home, Hinata had no hope of avoiding the suddenly airborne blonde. They went down in a tangle of limbs in front of the door, the blonde pawing at Hinata's pants.

"What are you doing?" Hinata squeaked, torn between using her hands to immobilise Ino and using them to keep her pants up.

Ino growled. "If you won't tell us, then I'm just going to have to see for myself!"

Too caught up with the blonde trying to undress her (oh what she wouldn't have given for another blonde to be the one undressing her), Hinata barely even noticed the door opening behind her until she heard the clatter of a teacup hitting the ground. She looked up, already knowing whom she would see.

It was her father. His face was an expressionless mask save for the violent twitching above his right eye. He said nothing. She said nothing. And then Ino said it all.

"Hah!" Ino cried, her face inches from Hinata's crotch as she finally managed to get Hinata's pants down around her knees, revealing bright orange underwear. "Success!"

"Hinata…" Hiashi said slowly. "It would appear that you have a preference for blondes. However I must insist that you pursue only one at a time. Also… I expect grandchildren." He looked at the other kunoichi in the room. "And perhaps somewhere more private would be appropriate."

And with that Hiashi was gone, teacup forgotten.

"Huh?" Ino said. "What did he mean by grandchildren?"

Hinata wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

X X X

Author's Notes

First of all, I neither own Naruto, nor am I making a dime off this.

So, here's the third part. Thankfully, I've managed to get this up faster than the second part (what was it, six months between parts one and two?). I thought it was about time to do something from Hinata's point of view, but I also wanted to get some of the other characters involved and this is what happened. Incidentally, the entire last bit involving the underwear and Ino didn't pop up until basically the last draft of this chapter, which just goes to show that I really have no idea what I'm doing most of the time, which is kind of fitting, given that neither Naruto or Hinata do either. In fact, the first draft of this chapter looks nothing like this.

As always, I look forward to your feedback. Reviews and comments are appreciated.

As an aside, I'm sure some of you are curious about the other pairings that I've made reference to. For the record, here is how things currently stand:

Naruto/Hinata

Kakashi/Sakura

Neji/Tenten

Shikamaru/Temari

I think those are all the pairings that I've stated or implied in the story, but I'm sure I'll have time to work a few others in, although the focus will definitely be NaruHina.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Little Competition Between Friends**

The great Sasuke Uchiha did not pout. True, he glared a lot and smirked far more than was socially acceptable, but he did not pout. So why did he feel so much like pouting now? The answer came in the form of a shy girl with lavender eyes, one Hinata Hyuga.

The problem was simple: he could count the number of people that he actually liked and wanted to be around on one hand and lately even that small number had begun to decline due to a rather unfortunate incident involving a certain Hokage and his pink-haired assistant. Now, he could scarcely look at his former teacher and teammate without being overcome by the urge to either empty his stomach or gouge out his eyes. Most of the time, he fantasised about doing both. Attempts to wipe the memory from his mind using his sharingan had been a resounding failure. Looking into a mirror and using his sharingan had resulted in nothing except for a massive headache and red, swollen eyes. He grimaced. The latter had been particularly unfortunate. Sakura had taken one look at him and asked him if he was okay, if perhaps he had been crying, and if maybe he wanted to discuss his _feelings_.

And now it looked like Naruto was going to get a girlfriend. Oh, the blonde idiot probably didn't realise it just yet, but he knew what the determined gleam in Hinata's eyes meant. Yes, the Hyuga might seem quiet, but he had no doubt at all that she'd set her heart upon Naruto and would do whatever it took to get him. She was probably plotting right now, hiding some devious plan behind that shy, innocent smile.

That wasn't to say that Hinata was completely without merit. He'd heard about her battle with Pain – if being pummelled almost non-stop for ten minutes could be called a battle. It took a special kind of girl, one who was either utterly insane or completely devoted, to take on a ridiculously overpowered S-rank ninja who had what was probably the second biggest god complex in history. So maybe, Hinata wasn't completely useless. That still didn't mean he was happy. Naruto would get a girlfriend, but then where would that leave him?

(For the record, Sasuke thought that Madara Uchiha had the biggest god complex in history. How else could you describe someone who was willing to use the moon, the freaking moon, as part of some bizarre plan to achieve world domination? He still wondered if maybe each time Madara phased through things, he left part of his brain behind. It would definitely have explained a lot).

If he was honest with himself, Naruto was probably the only person that he could really call a friend, which, now that he thought about it, was actually incredibly pathetic. What kind of person stayed friends with someone who had tried to kill them so many times? Worse what kind of person tried to kill their only friend so many times? Yes, they were both immensely screwed up and he was sure that somewhere in the afterlife Itachi was probably pointing and laughing at him and sharing all manner of embarrassing stories with anyone willing to listen.

So Naruto was his friend and maybe he wasn't really that much of a dead last loser, but once Hinata got her hooks into him, Sasuke would probably never see him again. He'd seen it enough times to know what to expect. It wouldn't be long before Naruto started writing crappy poetry and packing picnic lunches instead of coming over for their usual sparring and insult-trading sessions. Naruto might even start talking about settling down and having kids. Shudder.

And bringing Hinata along today was just the first step. Tuesdays were special. They were…

Hinata bowed politely. "Um… hello, Sasuke. I'll be joining you and Naruto for your training today."

Wait, what? Training? Sasuke smirked. It seemed that little miss Hyuga wasn't aware of just what he and Naruto really got up to on Tuesdays. Perfect, he could use this. Heck, he might even have a little fun too.

"Training?" Sasuke drawled. "Is that what you think we get up to?"

The Hyuga's eyes widened as a rosy blush swept across her cheeks. Well, well, well, whatever could she be thinking? Sasuke imagined that it was something along the lines of what Ino had suggested when she'd first found out that he and Naruto spent Tuesdays together. Couldn't a guy spend some time with his best friend without people coming up with weird ideas?

Although some of that was probably his fault. After all, he had deserted the village to go train with Orochimaru and the snake sannin was hardly a poster boy for normal behaviour. He shuddered. The less he thought about Orochimaru the better. There was no way that all those tests should have required him to take off his clothes. And he still had nightmares about Orochimaru's rebirth ritual. Why had there been so many tentacles? Perverted didn't even begin to describe it.

"So you two don't do training?" Hinata squeaked. Her cheeks reddened even more as she poked her fingers together.

Sasuke's smirk widened and he wondered just how red he could make Hinata. "No. Why don't you try and guess what we do?"

Hinata stuttered hopelessly for a few moments and Sasuke gave himself a mental pat on the back. She was definitely thinking something perverted and all it would take was one more carefully worded comment and she'd be down for the count. Heh. He was such a magnificent bastard.

"Hey, Sasuke, don't be a jerk," Naruto said before he could deliver the coup de grace. Then to Sasuke's horror, Naruto turned to Hinata and smiled sunnily. It was the sort of smile that was the envy of kittens and puppies everywhere and it would do nothing more than encourage the lavender-eyed temptress. "What Sasuke means to say is that we won't be training today. Instead, we'll be going fishing in training ground 45."

"Fishing!" Hinata blurted. "Is that what you to do together?"

Naruto nodded slowly. "Yes. What were you thinking?"

Sasuke looked up at the sky. It was going to be a long, long day.

X X X

Training ground 45 was one of the largest training grounds in the village. The Nidaime had constructed it years ago so that he could practice his water jutsu without worrying about drowning anyone. Several large, fast flowing streams flowed through the training ground and there was a huge lake in the middle of it. In short, it was spectacular, and Hinata resolved to come more often. She smiled dreamily. It would be the ideal place to have a picnic and she could just picture herself and Naruto eating ramen by the lakeshore with stars overhead and frolicking the shallows. She'd splash him with water and he'd splash her and then they'd have to dry their wet clothes and then maybe he'd take off his wet shirt and then…

"Hey, Hinata, have you ever gone fishing before?"

"Huh?" Hinata blinked and realised that not only was Naruto talking to her, but Sasuke was staring at her almost as if he could see what she'd been thinking. Wait, he couldn't really see what she was thinking, could he? "Um… I've seen people fishing, but I've never gone fishing before."

Naruto smiled at her and she felt her knees weaken. "So it's your first time then?"

Hinata nodded mutely, throat suddenly very, very dry.

"In that case, I'll show you what to do." And with that Naruto pulled out a storage scroll and there was a puff of smoke before several fishing rods along with some other equipment that she couldn't recognise appeared. He grinned and pulled her over to the edge of the lake, leaving one pouting Uchiha behind. "Now watch closely and I'll teach you how to fish."

What followed was a fifteen minute crash course in how to fish delivered in typical Naruto fashion. This meant that there was a great deal of shouting and frantic waving of limbs. There may even have been a jutsu or two involved, although she was sure that if anyone asked he'd have claimed that the trees uprooted themselves and that there'd always been a crater in the ground the size of a large house. For his part, Sasuke continued to watch her with an eerily intense gaze. Had she offended him somehow?

"Okay, now that you know what to do, we're going to go out on to the water," Naruto proclaimed.

"Oh… okay." Hinata nodded and took one step onto the water.

"No, no, no," Naruto said. "You can't walk on the water. You have to take a boat out." He pointed at a rowboat farther up along the lakeshore.

"Um… if you don't mind my asking, Naruto, but why do we have to use a boat?" Surely it would be easier to walk across the water, Hinata thought. They were ninjas, after all.

Naruto looked at her like she'd claimed ramen came from the devil and she almost recoiled. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sasuke smirk and was suddenly overcome by the urge to smack him over the head with her fishing rod. Thankfully, she managed to suppress it. "You can't just walk on the water… that would be… like… cheating."

"Um… how would it be cheating?" Hinata didn't want to make him mad, but she really didn't understand what was going on.

"Look… it just would be, okay." Naruto hefted his fishing rod like a sword and pointed it at her with a flourish. "Just think of it was my Way of the Fisher."

Way of the Fisher? Hinata blinked. What did that even mean?

"I don't think she gets it, Naruto," Sasuke said with a devilish smirk, one that made her want to do all sorts of unspeakable things to him and not unspeakable things of the pleasant kind. No, she thought, unspeakable things of the violent kind. "Maybe we should just go out on our own.

Hinata squared her shoulders and grabbed the Uchiha by the arm. She felt his arm creak beneath her grip and managed a strained smile for Naruto. "Of course, I understand, Sasuke. I would be honoured to join you and Naruto in the boat. Shall we go?"

And so they rowed – or rather Sasuke rowed – out to the middle of the lake before casting out their lines. It was actually oddly relaxing and Hinata found herself letting out a sigh of relief. She'd come prepared for a sparring session and while she knew that she wasn't half bad, she had no illusions as to her ability to challenge either Sasuke or Naruto in a fight. Fishing, on the other hand, seemed like a great deal of fun and it probably would be, if only Naruto and Sasuke didn't take it so seriously.

The two of them were staring at the water so intensely that she wondered if they were somehow trying to will the fish into biting. If anything they were probably achieving the complete opposite as both of them were radiating enough chakra to knock most chunin unconscious. It was little wonder that people just assumed that they were sparring instead of fishing.

Feeling the need to break the tension, Hinata asked what she felt was a sensible question. "Um… why don't you guys use jutsu?" Immediately a wave of gloom fell over the rowboat. Okay, maybe that hadn't been such a good idea. "I mean you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Surprisingly it was Sasuke who spoke, although he kept his gaze resolutely on the water. "We tried that. It didn't work. At all."

Naruto laughed and looked up from the water at her, rubbing the back of his head. "We didn't always use training ground 45, you know, Hinata. We used to go fishing in training ground 32."

"Oh." Hinata's eyes widened. She'd heard about training ground 32. Everyone had. It had been one of the largest training grounds in the village. _Had _been. Several months ago someone had reduced it to a huge, smoking crater. The damage bill had been astronomical and Sakura had complained for months about all the things she'd had to do to cajole Kakashi into doing the paperwork required to fix it. "Oh."

"Yes," Sasuke mocked. "Oh."

"So… what happened?" Hinata was overcome by morbid curiosity.

"The dead last thought it would be fair to use kage bunshin." Sasuke turned and sneered at Naruto and Hinata stifled the urge to paralyse him with the Gentle Fist and toss him overboard. If anyone asked, she could say that he drowned. Technically, it wouldn't even be lying. "Although I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like the blonde idiot knows the first thing about fair play."

Naruto bristled and brandished his fishing rod like a club. "Fair play? That's a bit rich coming from the jerk with the sharingan."

Sasuke growled. "Hey, I can't help it that my eyes are awesome. What do you want me to do, cut them out?" When Naruto nodded and mimed doing exactly that, Sasuke lunged at him, only to trip over the box of bait. Worms went everywhere and Hinata plastered herself to the side of the rowboat in a vain attempt to avoid both the worms and the enraged Uchiha.

"Stop, you'll tip the boat over," Hinata warned as the rowboat began to lean alarmingly.

"You think kage bunshin, are cheating, you bastard, but it's not like you have to turn your sharingan on!" Naruto shouted as he did his best to both scoop the worms back into their box and bash Sasuke over the head with his fishing rod. When that failed, he switched to trying to garrotte the Uchiha with his fishing line. Oddly enough, Hinata found the whole thing strangely endearing. They really seemed to be enjoying themselves. "Besides, it's not my fault that your chakra capacity is too puny to use kage bunshin properly!"

"Puny?" Sasuke spat. Naruto did not just go there. "There is absolutely nothing puny about me or my chakra, dickless!"

The use of Sai's nickname for Naruto broke Hinata out of a pleasant fantasy involving her and Naruto being shipwrecked on a deserted island. Alone with only each other to turn to, who knew what might happen…

"He is not dickless!" Hinata shouted.

Sasuke stopped strangling Naruto and looked at her. The Uchiha's eyes narrowed and then his lips curved up into yet another smirk. She gulped. "Oh? And how would you know?"

"Um…" Hinata covered her face with her hands. She could hardly admit that she may have used her byakugan in a not so above board way. Did that make her a pervert? It was only the one time and she had been so very curious. Besides, she knew that Neji had snuck a look or two at Tenten. She was just evening things up between the sexes. Yes, that was it. She was evening the ledger on behalf of all women. It had absolutely nothing all to do with the rumours she'd heard about certain… physiological enhancements that jinchuriki were said to have. Nothing. At. All.

Thankfully, Naruto saved her from having to reply. "Dickless?" Naruto shouted. "Look who's talking, bastard! I don't exactly see any Uchiha brats anywhere, do you?"

Sasuke scowled and resumed his attempt to strangle Naruto as their struggle continued to splash water everywhere. "Maybe I don't feel like having kids with psycho stalker fan girls." Sasuke made a retching sound. "At least none of your fan girls stalk you when you're bathing."

Hinata snapped out of her daze and narrowed her eyes. Naruto had more fan girls? Well, she'd see about that. Perhaps it was time to have the Branch House look into things. Yes, she smiled in a manner all too reminiscent of her younger sister. She'd have the fan girls dealt with. A giggle escaped her lips. There were definitely benefits to being the Heiress of the Hyuga Clan. But first she needed to get the conversation away from Naruto and the nature of his genitalia. "So what did happen to training ground 32?"

Both Naruto and Sasuke paused, Sasuke with his hands around Naruto's throat, the blonde with his right hand poised to deliver a textbook eye gouge. The two glared at one another and then shoved apart. Sasuke stalked back to his side of the rowboat but continued to eye Naruto like he expected the blonde to resume their conflict at any moment.

"The idiot summoned toads to drain the lake and steal all the fish for himself."

Naruto frowned. "That was only after you use Amaterasu on some of the fish."

Hinata wasn't sure what to think of that. Sasuke had used Amaterasu, the black fire that burned hotter than the sun and burned for seven days and seven nights, on fish? "So who won?"

Naruto shot to his feet and thumped his chest proudly. "The bastard forgot that Amaterasu burns everything it touches. So after that he didn't have any fish left. I, on the other hand, still had a few, even if those toads ran off with most of them."

"So that's how the training ground was destroyed?" Hinata asked.

Naruto laughed. "Oh no, the training ground was still there after that, but Sasuke just couldn't take losing. He used Kirin."

"The training ground only got blown up because I missed." Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "I was aiming for you, idiot."

"Yeah, well your aim sucks." Naruto smiled sweetly at Hinata and she found herself feeling a little short of breath. "Anyway, that's why neither Sasuke or I can use jutsu or other techniques." He grimaced. "Kakashi made us pay for all of the repairs and even though both Sasuke and I are pretty much loaded… yeah… it was a pretty large training ground."

X X X

"Hey, Hinata," Naruto asked. "Can you help me out here?"

Hinata blushed. Naruto asking her for help, imagine that? Well, she couldn't really blame him. Over the past few hours, Sasuke had caught almost a dozen fish and she'd managed to reel in six. Naruto, on the other hand, had only a single solitary fish to his name and it was, quite possibly, the most pathetic thing she'd ever seen. In fact she still wasn't entirely sure if it was a fish or just a really mouldy piece of driftwood. "Of course I'll help." She paused and thought back to the destruction of training ground 32. "Um… as long as it's not against the rules."

Sasuke waved one hand indifferently. "Help him all you want. It's not like he can win."

Hinata glared mightily at the Uchiha but the look was wasted. Not only was it not particularly threatening to begin with, but Sasuke hadn't even bothered to turn around to face them while he was speaking. She'd show him. "So, what did you want to ask me about, Naruto?"

He looked at her, a little embarrassed because he was supposed to be the one teaching her and not the other way around. "Well… you've caught so many more fish that me. Uh… what am I doing wrong?"

She watched him for a few moments and then nodded. She could do this. She could help Naruto and together they would win and wipe the smirk off the Uchiha's face. "I think that maybe you're moving your line around too much. It scares the fish away. You need to try and make the line move around more naturally… um… kind of like a real fish would, I think."

Naruto leaned up close and grinned and Hinata had to restrain herself from either squealing or passing out. She could just see the headlines now: Naruto related injuries up 1000% - Hyuga Heiress the latest victim! Not exactly the sort of epitaph she wanted. "You're really good at this." He waved his fishing rod around. "Like this?"

"Maybe a bit slower." Hinata paused. "Maybe it would be easier if you relaxed a bit. Why don't you tell me why you and Sasuke go fishing?"

Naruto laughed and Hinata could have sworn she saw Sasuke twitch. "Actually, fishing isn't the first thing that we've tried. It's just that all of the others ended… badly."

Badly? Hinata struggled to keep her face neutral. Contrary to popular belief she wasn't entirely blind to Naruto's faults. Saying that things had gone badly was basically Naruto-speak for massive explosions and titanic, world-ending battles. "Oh?"

Naruto bobbed his fishing rod up and down slowly. "We tried bowling first." He shook one fist at Sasuke. "But apparently it's considered cheating to use wind chakra on your bowling ball."

"That's because it is cheating. You can just blow all the pins down," Sasuke growled. "Besides, you didn't see me using my lightning chakra did you?"

Naruto made a face. "That only because your lightning chakra sucks." He turned back to Hinata and smiled. "Then we tried darts."

Hinata didn't even need to ask how that had gone. Lightning chakra and wind chakra were both really good at cutting or piercing through things. She was willing to bet her best kimono that the sudden spate of dart-related injuries about a year ago could be traced back to Sasuke and Naruto. If she recalled correctly, one of the incidents had even involved a building being sliced in half.

"Then we tried cards. Never ever play cards against someone with a doujutsu. They'll just cheat." As though suddenly realising whom he was talking to, Naruto grinned foxily and patted her hand. She immediately vowed to never wash that hand again. "Present company excluded of course. I know you'd never cheat. Not like Sasuke." And if that wasn't enough he felt the need to add, "But he's a bastard so I guess I should have expected it."

Sasuke snorted. "For the last time, Naruto, I wasn't cheating. You just suck at poker. You're easy to read and you can't count cards to save your life."

After that silence descended over the rowboat again and despite her best efforts, Naruto continued to lag behind Sasuke. She could feel his frustration grow with each moment and she surreptitiously activated her byakugan to see if there was anything else she could do to help. She pursed her lips. From the looks of things, it wasn't just that his technique was poorer than Sasuke's. There just weren't that many fish on Naruto's side of the boat. However there were plenty of fish on Sasuke's side of the boat, most likely because of the underwater rock formation near him. Had he planned it? No, probably not. The sharingan couldn't see through things.

"Naruto," Hinata whispered. "Trying casting your fishing line over there." She pointed at a place where the fish were more plentiful.

Naruto nodded and then stopped as he spotted her active byakugan. "You're not supposed to use that."

Hinata was torn. She didn't want to cheat, but she really did want to help Naruto. "Um… Sasuke said that I can help you, right? And the rules only say that you and Sasuke can't use any ninja techniques, don't they?"

Naruto looked at her and said nothing and she was worried that she might've offended him, but then his face broke into a broad grin. "You know, Hinata," he said, pulling her into a hug. "I like the way you think."

She did her best not to melt into a puddle of deliriously happy goo.

X X X

Sasuke wasn't too bothered when Naruto finally reeled in his second fish. He was already too far ahead for the dead last to possibly catch up, so why not let the blonde have a few moments of glory? In the end, he the last Uchiha would no doubt emerge victorious yet again. He smirked. Today would mark his twentieth epic fishing victory. Not that he was keeping track, or anything.

But then Naruto pulled in a third fish and then a fourth in rapid succession. Now that was suspicious and for a moment Sasuke was tempted to switch on his sharingan. However, he held back. Naruto would surely accuse him of cheating and there was just not way that he'd let those sorts of accusations rob him of his glorious victory. Naruto was just getting lucky (and it had better only be at fishing – Sasuke still didn't entirely approve of Hinata).

And then before Sasuke knew it, he and Naruto were neck and neck. What on earth? Accusations of cheating be damned, Sasuke needed to know how Naruto was doing it. His sharingan flared to life and he bit back a curse. It was Hinata! Screw copying fishing techniques or following the movements of the fishing line with the sharingan, the Hyuga could see the damn fish and she leading Naruto straight to them.

In retrospect, he could have let it slide. He could have just let Naruto win. In the end, it was supposed to be a friendly competition, right? Not a chance.

He shot to his feet and the boat rocked wildly. "You cheater!" he cried, pointing with one finger.

Naruto shot to his feet as well. "I am not cheating!"

"Then why is her byakugan on?" Sasuke demanded.

Naruto smirked and Sasuke muttered a curse. The idiot was stealing his best expression. "The rules don't say that Hinata can't use it and you said that she could help me."

"That's crap and you now it!" Sasuke retorted. "What happened to your Way of the Fisher? You can't just use someone else's doujutsu."

"Well, she was kind enough to offer. Besides, aren't you forgetting something important?" Naruto struck his most impressive pose and let his chakra flare majestically. "Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum."

Sasuke's jaw dropped "You did not just use that phrase to justify your blatant cheating!"

Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but Hinata beat him to it. Showing more guts than he gave her credit for, the Hyuga shot to her feet as well. "Stop calling Naruto a cheater!" She poked Sasuke with her index finger and it took all of his will power not to whimper. Damn, she had pointy fingers, although he probably shouldn't be surprised. She was a Gentle Fist user and all they did was go around poking people all day.

Sasuke folded his arms over his chest. "If you're going to use jutsu to help Naruto, then I should be able to use them too." He couldn't believe it. Already the purple haired temptress had managed to get between him and his best friend. That was just unfair and damn it, it was worth pouting over. So he did. Pout, that is. A lot.

"Oooh, what are you going to do, use Amaterasu again?" Naruto taunted.

Sasuke smirked evilly and stuck his arm into the water. Jagged bolts of blue-white electricity crackled along his arm. "Chidori." There was a snap, crackle, pop and then the whole of the lake's surface lit up. Steam rose from the water and scores of fish floated to the surface. "It looks like I win."

Naruto's reply came in the form of a massive rasen shuriken that blenderised **(1)** the entire lake. "Hah. Not anymore you don't!" Naruto retorted before he began to dance around the rowboat singing horribly off key. "I am the champion, I am the champion. No time for losers for I am the champion… of the world!"

"Um…" Hinata grabbed Naruto's arm. "What do we do about that?"

"About what?" Naruto stopped his victory dance and turned. His eyes went wide. "Oh… that."

The blast created by his rasen shuriken hadn't just blenderised the lake. It had created a giant wave that was approaching their small, flimsy rowboat at an alarming speed.

"For the record," Sasuke said. "If this destroys the training ground, Naruto, you're paying for it."

And then the wave hit.

X X X

Hinata groaned and tried to get up, only to find that something was pinning her down. She looked down and then nearly passed out again. She was on the lakeshore and Naruto was… was… well… he was lying face down in her water logged cleavage. She swallowed thickly and felt a rush of heat. It felt nice, really nice. Absently, she ran one hand through his blonde hair and shivered at the feel of it. He let out a low groan and nuzzled into her cleavage and her groan became a moan.

"Ramen…" Naruto murmured. "Hinata…"

Her eyes widened in shock. He was dreaming about ramen and her? Oh, the possibilities, many of which she'd considered herself and almost all of which were most improper for a gently bred lady such as herself. Still, she couldn't find the will to move. She could just stay like this forever. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Ahem."

Her eyes opened and she found herself looking into the burning crimson depths of Sasuke Uchiha's eyes.

"Hinata Hyuga." Sasuke's sharingan shifted, the three tomoe vanishing in place of something that vaguely resembled a six-pointed star – his mangekyo sharingan, Hinta realised in shock. "I have something to ask you."

"Um… yes?" He was going to kill her, Hinata thought as she took in the absolute lack of emotion on the Uchiha's face. She was going to die at the hands of the last Uchiha with Naruto's face wedged in her cleavage. Part of her was horrified, but another part was gleefully pointing out that even if she did die, well, Naruto's face was wedged in her cleavage!

Sasuke grimaced and had to force the words out. "Tell me, Hinata Hyuga, are your intentions toward Naruto honourable?"

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I neither own Naruto nor am I making a dime off this.

Well here we have Hinata's day with Naruto and Sasuke. I'm sure some people are wondering why I chose fishing, but honestly, if you've ever gone on a fishing trip, you'd know that fishing is serious business. I've seen otherwise rational human beings become ravening monsters over a fish the length of a pen. I also thought it would be nice to have a look at what Sasuke thinks about the whole thing. Naruto is not just his best friend. He's quite possibly his only friend.

Strangely, the idea for this chapter kind of popped up before the idea for Chapter 3, so I'm sort of working in reverse. That said, in typically disorganised fashion, the ending is completely different from the original draft and so is most of the opening section. Seriously, my earlier drafts are more like barely coherent ranting than actual drafts.

As always, I look forward to your feedback. Reviews and comments are appreciated.

**(1)** For those of you not familiar with the word 'blenderise', the easiest way to think about it is to imagine what happens when you throw something into a giant blender.


	5. Chapter 5

**Dressing For Success**

Naruto was convinced that the shower was one of Kami's greatest gifts to humanity. Not because it could be used to get clean, but because it was the one place that he could sing and no one could complain. Yes, he, Naruto Uzumaki bane of Akatsuki and future Hokage of Konoha, was also a master of shower karaoke. He grinned and struck a pose beneath the torrent of hot water. Truly, was a man of many talents.

Never mind the fact that his singing was just about the only thing in the world that was worse than Killer Bee's rapping.

(Little did Naruto know, but lack of musical ability was actually the only thing that all of the jinchuriki had in common other than ridiculously large amounts of chakra and childhoods that closely resembled badly written tragicomedies. The only difference was that both he and Killer Bee actually believed they were good. Gaara, on the other hand, had no such illusions about the quality of his haiku:

Sand goes everywhere

From crimson insomnia

Damn the raccoon

People usually listened politely enough and then ran away as fast as they could without looking rude.)

Naruto liked to think of himself a cheerful, proactive sort of person, but today he was in an especially good mood. Not only had he beaten the emotional black hole that was one Sasuke Uchiha at fishing, but he'd also done it with Hinata's help. If there was anything better than one person beating Sasuke at something, it was two people beating him at something and the fact that Hinata was the other person made it even better. Sure, he'd lost consciousness at the end and Sasuke had claimed that all the fish had blown up, but he knew better. He'd won and Sasuke was just too stuck up to admit it. To top it all off, they'd even managed to escape without anyone seeing them. There was no way that Kakashi would be able to pin _this_ annihilated training ground on them.

All in all, a good day's work and there were just a couple of hours to go until he was supposed to pick Hinata up for dinner. He grinned. Once he finished his shower, he'd probably just lie around for a bit and then get ready for dinner with Hinata. Yep, life was good. Just about the only thing that could make his day any better would be if the village finally recognised his incredible level of awesomeness and made him Hokage.

Chuckling to himself – he couldn't possibly be that lucky – he stepped out of the shower and then stopped. He'd forgotten to bring a towel. Well, never mind, there were much cooler ways to dry himself than relying on a mere towel. He clapped his hands together and concentrated. Wind chakra rippled to life around him and he cackled. Why use a towel when he could just use wind chakra to dry himself off? Heck, he'd even worked out how to use the technique to dry his clothes whenever he got wet. Of course, like most techniques, it had taken a couple of tries to get it right and he'd never told anyone about what had happened the first time he'd tried to use it. He did have a reputation to think about.

Yet, as he stepped out into the hallway in search of some clothes, his mind nevertheless wandered back to that particular incident. It had been during one of the fights he'd had with Sasuke before he'd finally managed to drag the bastard back to Konoha. At the climax of their epic battle (because any battle involving Naruto was epic by definition), Sasuke had used his kirin. Now, normally Naruto was all for flashy jutsu with ridiculous destructive power but not when they were directed at him. With barely any time to think, he'd done the only thing he could – shoved as much wind chakra around his body as he could and prayed. Hard. Luckily for him, wind chakra beat lightning chakra (he'd never quite understood that, water beating fire, sure, but wind beating lightning… huh?) and so the raging maelstrom of wind chakra around him had nullified the effects of the powerful lightning attack.

Unfortunately, it had also had several unintended side effects. Like shredding his clothes. All of them. As little bits of orange and black confetti rained down on the battlefield, Sasuke had come to a complete halt. Apparently, it was one thing to try and gut your best friend, but quite another to try and gut him when he was stark naked and swinging free in a breeze of his own creation. Awkward didn't even begin to describe it.

The battle had gone downhill from there. Sasuke had turned a kind of funny green colour and taken an unsteady step back. Contrary to Naruto's belief, Sasuke's queasiness wasn't caused by the overwhelming power of his chakra. No, it was something simpler. It really was possible to see too much of your best friend, even if you were trying to kill them. Seeing Sasuke falter, Naruto had taken a flying leap at him and if possible, Sasuke had turned even greener before throwing his Akatuski cloak at him and then running for it.

The two of them had never spoken of it again and every attempt that Naruto made to bring it up was met with stony silence and the mangekyo sharingan. After the battle, Gaara had been the first one to find him and the Kazekage had burst out laughing. Usually, Naruto was just fine with people laughing – even if it was at him – but there was something creepy about Gaara's laugh. It was kind of like Sai's smile, all sorts of wrong. At least Sakura hadn't been the one to find him before he'd gotten some clothes on. She'd probably have beaten him to death or something.

As he walked toward the stairs the led up to his bedroom, his thoughts returned to the coming dinner, or rather to what would happen if he messed up. If he did something dumb or, even worse inappropriate, Neji would kill him, and not with a kunai or anything quick. No, the jerk would probably poke him to death with those pointy Gentle Fist-honed fingers of his. Still, that was better than what Hiashi would do to him. He shuddered. It took a lot to scare him, but the older man's threat of repeated castration was not something he could take lightly. He happened to quite like his genitals, and in particular, he quite liked having them attached to his body. And he knew that Hiashi hadn't been joking, his eyes had been all big and glazed and crazy looking – just like Neji's had been. He frowned. Hopefully it wasn't a genetic thing, because he really didn't want to know what would happen if Hinata lost it. The quiet ones were always the scariest.

He chuckled. What was he thinking? There was no way that Hinata could be as crazy as her dad. She was way too sweet for that. He could almost imagine how things would go during dinner. She'd smile and blush and he'd smile and be generally awesome. Yes, he could see it now.

"Yes, Naruto, you're so totally awesome," he said in a high-pitched voice, bringing his left hand up and waving it around.

"Oh, why thank you, Hinata, you're pretty awesome too," said his right hand, also waving around merrily.

"Oh, you make me so happy, Naruto," his left hand/Hinata said, hugging his right hand. "No one could ever be as awesome as you!"

His right hand hugged back. "Well, let's be awesome together, Hinata!"

Stopping for a moment, he looked down at his two hands, which were now involved in a torrid embrace. What was he doing? It was like sock puppet theatre only without the socks. And he was naked. Hmmm… maybe he had been having too much ramen lately.

He was almost to the stairs and just past the living room when he heard a scream.

"AHHHHHH!"

Moving swiftly, he leapt to the side and dropped into a crouch, a rasengan already formed in one hand. Who would be dumb enough to sneak into his house? He got the answer a moment later when one of the cushions of his couch crashed into him with enough force to almost knock him unconscious. He slammed into the wall behind him and lay on his back, the cushion somehow preserving his modesty as several more hysterical shrieks filled the air.

Only one person in Konoha could throw a cushion that hard and shriek like that.

Sakura.

"Put some damn clothes on, Naruto!"

Yep, he thought as he looked up into furious emerald eyes, it was Sakura. The medic's lips were pulled back in a snarl and she had one gloved hand curled into a fist. On either side of her, looking far less animated, were Sasuke and Sai.

What were they doing in his house?

"How can you just wander around naked like that, Naruto? Have you no shame?"

Briefly, he considered pointing out that it was his house and if he wanted to walk around naked then he could damn well walk around naked. Then he remembered that it was Sakura he was talking too and a pissed off Sakura at that. And a pissed off Sakura was not someone you argued with. No, you just nodded, agreed with whatever she said and then got the hell out of there.

So instead, he chose to remain silent. Sasuke, however, did not.

"Don't be foolish, Sakura, it's his house. He can do what he likes."

Idly, Naruto wondered if Sasuke walked around his house naked. It would certainly explain the hordes of fan girl's camped around his house with nosebleeds. It would also explain why he was defending him. Damn pervert Uchiha.

"What was that?" Sakura growled as she whirled to glare at Sasuke. "Well? Speak up."

Anyone else would have backed down, but then again not everyone else was Sasuke Uchiha, last of the Uchiha clan and the very epitome of all that was cool and awesome in the world (Sasuke's opinion, not Naruto's).

"You heard me, Sakura," Sasuke said. "That's what you get for barging in." He smirked. "Maybe you even planned on catching a look."

Sakura's face went the same colour as her hair and Naruto heard the material of her gloves begin to creak. As quietly as he could, he rose, and clutching the cushion over his privates, began to gesture wildly at Sasuke in a last ditch attempt to save his friend.

_Apologise, you idiot!_ Naruto signed, waving his one free hand wildly. _Apologise now and she might let you live!_

Sasuke shot him a patented cool look. _Not a chance. The Sasuke Uchiha apologises to no one._

Naruto pulled at his hair. _Are you seriously referring to yourself in the third person? Now hurry up and apologise otherwise 'the Sasuke Uchiha' is going to end up dead._

Sasuke raised one eyebrow. _Hn. What's she going to do, hit me? I'm Sasuke Uchiha. People don't hit me. I hit them._

Naruto threw his hands up in despair and then realised what he'd done. Thankfully, Sakura was too focused on Sasuke to notice his momentary loss of modesty. He slapped one hand over his face. _Fine, but don't think I'm going to your funeral. It's not like there'll be an opponent casket anyway, not after she's done with you._

The Uchiha smirked. _Watch and learn, dead last. I'll show you how to deal with Sakura._

In a way Naruto could understand Sasuke's arrogance. Three years with Orochimaru and then his time with Madara had taught the Uchiha how to manipulate people with ease. However Naruto knew Sakura. When she was pissed, as in really pissed, there was no manipulating her. There was only Pain. Hell, watching Sakura land a chakra-enhanced kick to an enemy ninja's groin was still the scariest thing he'd ever seen. Much to her consternation, and his amusement, that had gotten her into at least three bingo books as the "Pink Haired Demon of Konoha" with warnings to avoid close quarter combat at all costs.

And right now she was definitely in Pink Haired Demon mode. Her face was twisted into a snarl and her eyes were alight with righteous feminine fury so vicious that it would have given even Kisame pause. Right now all Sasuke could do was either run or, a) throw himself on her mercy, b) find someone else for her to pummel, or c) fight back.

Unfortunately for Sasuke, Naruto knew that option a) was a lie. Pink Haired Demon mode Sakura had no concept of mercy. Oh, she might smile and even pat you on the head, but that was only to lull you into a false sense of security. The moment you thought you were safe… BAM. Sasuke was smart enough to know that option c) was out of the question and option b) was out too, because both Naruto and even Sai had begun to back away.

Still, Sasuke stood his ground. He was, after all, one magnificently proud bastard, which just meant that in a few seconds he'd be one dead magnificently proud bastard. However his death would not be in vain. It would give Naruto the time he needed to flee. Well, not flee. A ninja as awesome as he was would never flee. It would be more of a strategic retreat.

"Well, Sakura?" Sasuke asked. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

Sakura's eye twitched as she replied not with words, but with her fist. Her first punch caught Sasuke square in the jaw and Naruto was sure he saw a tooth come loose before her second punch hit Sasuke in the gut and folded him like a paper bag. Sasuke's eyes bulged and he made a funny gagging sound and despite his desire to flee, Naruto found himself watching in horrified fascination.

He swallowed thickly and tilted his head to one side. He hadn't known that Sasuke was that flexible although, judging by the strangled scream that burst from the Uchiha's lips, maybe he wasn't. Yep, there was no way that Sasuke's leg was supposed to bend that way.

Several minutes and one broken coffee table later (who knew that you could shove a coffee table up _there?_) and Sakura had managed to calm down. The half-dead Uchiha was left sprawled on Naruto's couch, thankfully not the good one, and Naruto was left wondering just how long it would take to get the bloodstains out of the fabric.

"Well," Sakura asked, glaring at him. "Aren't you going to get dressed?"

Sasuke groaned and then twitched. It was a genuinely disturbing.

"Yes ma'am," Naruto squeaked, practically sprinting up the stairs, cushion in tow. As he vanished up the stairs, he heard Sakura and Sai talking as the medic began to fix the broken Uchiha.

"Hmmm… I am glad that Ino asked me to come with you. I have already learned something very interesting," Sai said.

"Oh?" Sakura muttered. "What?"

"Apparently, Naruto is not dickless, after all."

X X X

Naruto returned a few minutes later dressed in his ninja outfit. Luckily, Sasuke seemed to have stopped bleeding all over his furniture and as he sat he discretely pushed the Uchiha onto the rug on the floor. It would make cleaning things up much easier.

Sakura looked at him and he cringed already picturing himself joining Sasuke in the happy (and troublingly large) group of people who'd been beaten up by Sakura in the last week. "What?"

"You're not wearing that to dinner are you?" she asked, eyeing his ninja outfit as though it were a dead marsupial he'd draped over his shoulders. "Well?"

"If I say 'yes', are you going to hit me?"

She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "No wonder Ino said I should come over here. There is no way that I am letting you take Hinata to dinner in your ninja outfit."

"But it's awesome," Naruto whined. "And it's even got lots of orange."

She shook him like a ragdoll and he was sure that he felt something in his spine pop. "Right now, Hinata is getting ready for dinner and you can bet that she's going to wear something spectacular, something that's going to make you fall to your knees and kiss the ground that she walks on."

"Better than ramen?" he asked.

"Hell yes, a billion times better than ramen!" Sakura glowered. "So the least you can do is to try and look your best for her too." She shook him again. "Honestly, if we had more time, I'd just drag you out and make you buy something decent to wear. As it is, we'll just have to find you something better here. Now come on, isn't there anything else you can wear?"

Naruto opened his mouth and then shut it. Somehow, he didn't think that Sakura would appreciate the merits of bright orange official Naruto brand clothing. He grimaced. Damn, why did everyone have to hate orange when it was clearly the colour of awesomeness? Seriously the sun was orange, the sunset was orange, tigers were orange, and most importantly he wore orange. See, awesome. Not like green. Green was lame, no matter what Lee said. He couldn't think of one cool thing in the world that was green.

"Um… no…"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Really?"

"Uh… yeah…" He winced. He was starting to sound like Hinata and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, At least, he hadn't started poking his fingers together yet although he wouldn't mind having the byakugan.

"Really?" There was a slight tremor in Sakura's voice and Naruto made the mistaking of meeting her eyes.

Oh no. She was using _that look_. It was her secret weapon, a power so great that no member of Team Seven could resist it. Before it the vaunted Uchiha death glare and Hatake eye smile were as nothing. Desperately, he tried to look away, but it was too late. Her bright green eyes widened and then began to shimmer with the hint of tears as she pushed her lower lip out. If it had been just the pout, he might've been able to survive, but the puppy dog eyes were just too much. Even mister cool and in command (read: mayor of loser town) Sasuke couldn't resist it.

Naruto sighed. "Well… I guess I could try some of my dad's stuff. I mean, I don't know what condition it's in, but it should fit me by now."

Sakura brightened immediately and clapped her hands together and for a moment he could actually see the rainbows break out behind her as flying puppies and kittens moved in lazy circles around her head, mewling and whimpering in a display of abject cuteness and joy. Damn, she was good and she'd played him like a fiddle. "Where?"

He sighed again. Years from now people wouldn't be hearing about his legendary exploits. No, they'd be hearing about what a damn sap he was. He was just lucky that Hinata hadn't quite figured out how to bring her cuteness to bear against him, because if Sakura could summon shiny rainbow and flying puppies and kittens with her pout, Hinata would probably put him in a cuteness-induced coma and he wasn't sure if that was something the Kyuubi could fix. "Upstairs in the attic."

As Sakura skipped happily up the stairs, he trudged after her, Sai at his heels.

Sai snickered and Naruto's fists clenched. The damn jerk was laughing at him. If they weren't in his house, he'd have made Sai eat a rasen shuriken. At least Sasuke hadn't been awake to see Sakura beat him like a drum.

"You know, Naruto, it seems that I was mistaken." Sai's voice was entirely too cheerful.

Naruto stopped and turned. "What do you mean?"

"After watching you and Sakura, I see that I was wrong earlier. You really are dickless."

"…" Naruto twitched. He didn't care how much it would cost to fix the damage. He just needed to wipe that damn smirk off Sai's face. "RASENGAN!"

BOOM.

X X X

Leaving a fairly mangled Sai downstairs – honestly, would there be anyone left conscious by the time that Sakura's visit was over – Naruto found Sakura humming cheerfully to herself as she looked through boxes of his parents' things. Had it been anyone else other than her or the other members of Team Seven he'd have resented the intrusion, but along with Kakashi and Sasuke, she really was the closest thing he had to family. Still, he'd be the first to admit that his own makeshift family was more violent than most families, well, unless you counted the Uchiha's, but they were on a whole different level when it came to domestic violence.

"Hey, Sakura, did you find anything?"

She grinned and he took a step back. Grinning Sakura was almost as scary as angry Sakura. "Look at this."

He blinked. What she had wasn't too bad. She was holding something that looked a lot like the Yondaime's famous white cloak with red flames only it didn't have 'Yondaime' written on the back.

"It's pretty good, I guess." He smiled. "But it could use more orange – agh!"

She whacked him over the head and handed him the cloak. "Hold on to that while I go look for things to go with it."

"Damn, she hits hard," Naruto muttered once Sakura was safely out of earshot. Neji liked to talk about practicing to hit the vital points of the human body but for Sakura every point on the human body was a vital one. That last hit was a case in point. She'd smacked him over the head, but he was sure that she'd somehow managed to bruise his kidneys, as well. Sure Neji could poke you to death, but you could fix that. If Sakura hit you then you could end up as a bloody smear on the ground and there was no fixing that.

With nothing else to do as Sakura looked around, Naruto tried the cloak on. He had to admit, it felt good, and looking in an old mirror propped up against the wall, he had to admit it fit pretty well too. A smile crossed his lips. He'd spent his whole life trying to live up to his father's example and even if it was a little thing, fitting into something that looked so much like his famous cloak made Naruto feel pretty good. Of course, he also looked awesome, but that was a given. He put his hands into the cloak's pockets and frowned as his fingers closed around something.

It was a piece of paper and he lifted it out and unfolded it gently. Someone had written on it in bold yet graceful script. He felt his eyes moisten slightly. It was his mother's handwriting and it wasn't the first time he'd found little notes slipped into his parents' things. Most of the notes were reminders. Apparently, despite his father's overall level of greatness, he'd been unable to keep track of anything on his own without his mother's help. Naruto had even found one note taped to a bento box saying "This is your lunch, Minato – eat it, or else!"

It was funny, really, and romantic too, in a way. It also gave him better insight into the sort of people his parents had been. Sure, he'd sort of talked to them for a while through the seal, but those had been pretty desperate circumstances and it was nice to see how they'd lived day-to-day. Smiling, he began to read the note.

_Minato,_

_You're really been working late these days. I know that you've only just been made Hokage and that you've got a lot of work to do, but you've been neglecting the single greatest thing that's ever happened to you – me. Yes, that's right. Me._

Naruto chuckled. His mother was kick ass and kick ass women were awesome. Hmm, now that he thought about, Hinata was pretty kick ass too. There was something really graceful and elegant about the way she fought, paralysing people much larger than her before turning their insides into mush. Yep, if they got together it wouldn't be a case of him kicking evil enemy ass and then coming home to her. Instead, they'd kick evil enemy ass together and then go home to celebrate their glorious victory by…

He slapped himself lightly on the face. Now was not the time to be thinking things like _that_. The absolute last thing he needed was for her father to castrate him. They'd never be able to _that_ if he got castrated. Looking back at the note, he continued reading.

_I could get angry about you not making more time for me, Minato, but I won't. Instead, I'll let you in on a little secret. If you come home early today there's a chance that you might find a very, very nice surprise waiting for you. In fact, I think it'll just about make your week – if not your year. Trust me._

Naruto read on a bit more and then paled. The note went on for several more paragraphs – several very graphic, very descriptive, very… well, perverted paragraphs. Hands shaking, he folded the note back up and slipped back into the pocket of the cloak. He felt queasy. Although he wanted to know more about his parents there were some things that he absolutely did not want to know about them and just how flexible they were and what they could do with that flexibility was definitely one of them. Nor did he need a reminder (and a very detailed description) of just how they'd celebrated his father's ascension to Hokage. Ugh. Just thinking about it made his skin scrawl.

_**Foolish mortal. If I'd known you were this pathetic, I'd have put my knowledge to use earlier.**_

Naruto's eyes widened as the Kyuubi's voice filled his mind.

_**Insolent, brat, have you forgotten that your mother was my container before you.**_

Naruto turned pale in sudden understanding.

_**Yes, brat, that's right. I saw everything she did. Everything. And now… so shall you.**_

Naruto had precisely half a second to muse over whether or not the Kyuubi was actually more perverted than Jiraiya before a cascade of images better suited to the pages of Icha Icha began to fill his head. Truly, the Kyuubi was the scion of evil, a force of unparalleled malevolence and hate.

"You damn fox!" Naruto screamed. "I hate you so much!" He toppled to the ground, clawing at his eyes. Oh Kami! Was that whipped cream they were using? How could anyone use whipped cream like _that_ and what was his mother doing with that ramen? Still, despite the mental torment he was in, part of him couldn't help but wonder if Hinata would be willing to do that with him? Hinata + Ramen = Win. But then the image in his head changed again and he let out a wail. There were some things that even ramen shouldn't be used for.

Deep in the bowels of its prison, the Kyuubi no Youko cackled. At last, the brat had revealed his weakness. Now it was only a matter of time before he was free. _**I should have done this years ago, brat, watching you convulse is quite amusing. Now… behold, this is what happened on the night you were conceived.**_

Naruto's scream was terrible indeed. "NOOOOOO!"

The Kyubi snickered. _**Don't you mean: "YEEEEESSSS!"**_

X X X

Sakura heard Naruto scream as the taint of demonic chakra filled the air. She sprinted back to him, a pair of black pants in one hand, and a black and orange shirt in the other. She'd considered forgoing orange entirely, but she knew that Naruto would insist on it. At least this way, she could make sure it was something reasonably tasteful.

She reached Naruto and then stared. She'd expected to find him in at least a one-tailed state, judging from the amount of chakra she'd sensed and his anguished cry. She did not expect to see him curled up into a foetal position and rocking himself back and forth.

"No!" Naruto wailed. "Anything but that… not… not Valentine's Day… don't show me what happened on that night!"

Sakura blinked. "Huh?"

"I'll do anything, just don't show me that. I'll even let you out for a bit to crush something. How about Iwa? You could crush Iwa, just don't make me… nooooooo!" Naruto's cry became a horrifying gurgle.

Doing her best not to panic, Sakura dropped to his side and shook him roughly. His eyes opened blearily and he latched onto her like a life preserver. "Sakura!"

"What happened, Naruto?" Inwardly, she braced herself for the worst. Could the fox be trying to break free?

He buried his face in her stomach and continued to mumble and wail. "It was terrible, Sakura, so terrible!"

She tried to pry him off but to no avail. He was like a barnacle. "Um… what was so terrible?"

He looked up at her, totally traumatised, and his eyes were wild and bloodshot. "The Kyuubi made me see things… terrible things." He wrapped his arms around himself and began to shake. "You wouldn't believe the things I saw."

"Um…" She patted him awkwardly on the head. "Well… it's okay… you're safe now."

"I'll never be safe again." Naruto looked about like a cornered animal before his gaze settled on the clothes in her hands. "Are these what you found?" he asked abruptly.

Sakura nodded slowly. If Naruto wanted to change the subject that badly, maybe it would be better not to press him. "What do you think?"

"They're okay…" He pressed his face into the shirt. "And there's some orange."

"Right…" Sakura frowned as something fell out of one of pockets of the pants. She picked it up. "Hey, look, Naruto, it's a note. I bet one of your parents wrote it. Do you want to read it?"

Naruto took one look at her and the note and then screamed.

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I neither own Naruto, nor am I making a dime off this.

So here's Chapter Five. I kind of like Sakura as the slightly (cough, cough) violent sister figure for Naruto. Besides, someone has to make sure that he dresses well and from the manga and anime, it's pretty clear that Naruto's fashion sense leaves a fair bit to be desired. Honestly, that much orange on a ninja should be criminal.

Anyway, for those of you who are worried about the lack of Hinata, don't worry. I haven't suddenly jumped over to the NaruSaku camp (although there's nothing wrong with that, if you're into that sort of thing… ^_^; - just kidding). The fact is, Sakura is an important person to him and even if she doesn't always show it, Naruto is pretty important to her too. Having her there was also an excuse to drag Sasuke and Sai along and I like to believe that she wouldn't take any lip from Sasuke any more than she would from Naruto, at least not after Shippuden. As for Sai, well, he's just the master of accidentally verbally destroying people.

In typical fashion, most of this chapter popped up at the last minute – I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. For example, the whole sock puppets gag, the Kyuubi bit, and Sai's one-liners arrived in pretty much the final draft. So did Gaara's haiku, for that matter.

Finally, I apologise for the delay. However, real life has suddenly become very busy, so while I won't be abandoning this story, my ideal schedule of weekly updates is looking somewhat unrealistic.

As always, I look forward to your feedback. Reviews and comments are appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Power of Two Geniuses**

"Get up, Uchiha."

Sasuke was awake in an instant, his sharingan swirling into place. In the darkness, he couldn't be sure who had spoken, but from what he could see, there was someone in his bedroom, someone with long hair. A shudder ran through him as comprehension dawned. By all the kami, it had finally happened – the fangirls had finally found a way past all of the protective seals! His breathing quickened as a thousand horrible scenarios flashed through his mind. First they'd pin him down and then… then…

Then they'd have their wicked, wicked way with him.

Sasuke screamed like a little girl.

Already he could see what little innocence he had left being torn from him under a deluge of squealing, giggling, freaky fangirls. Hanging around Orochimaru might not have helped (after all, it was kind of hard to remain innocent when he'd hung around an evil ninja who liked to puke snakes, was interested in taking over his body using a weird jutsu that used far too many tentacles, and had a thing about "examinations"), but he'd be damned if he let the fangirls have their way with him. If they wanted him, he'd not make it easy!

Finally, calming himself, he leapt out of bed. Damn it, they'd planned well – he didn't even have a shirt on. Letting loose a fierce battle cry, he threw himself at his opponent.

"Die, fangirl!" he roared. They'd never take him alive although, now that he thought about it, some of them wouldn't mind taking him if he were dead.

Ew… bad line of thought.

The shadowy figure dodged his attack and Sasuke cursed wildly. Whoever they were, they were good, really good. Damn, either the fangirls had started training or they'd actually managed to recruit some decent ninjas. Maybe they'd even… no… there was no way they'd gotten Anko. The last he'd heard, she'd set her sights on Iruka, which might explain why no one had seen the academy instructor for the past few days…

Quickly forming some hand seals, Sasuke was about to lash out with a fire jutsu when he felt several sharp pokes along his arms and hands. Immediately his arms went numb. By the kami, his fangirl was a Hyuga! He stumbled back, but he hadn't gotten more than a few paces before another couple of pokes had him all but paralysed. This was it then, he thought, he was done for. There was no way he could stop the fangirl now. Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine himself somewhere else.

Think of a happy place… think of a happy place…

But as the seconds dragged on and still nothing happened, he opened his eyes. Once again he felt someone poke him, only this time to release the paralysis, before the lights flicked on. Standing in front of him was none other than Neji Hyuga. Well, that explained the long, girly looking hair. Although… did that mean that Neji was a fanboy? There really was a first time for everything then.

(Unbeknownst to Sasuke he did actually have quite a large base of fanboys. In fact, he'd had fanboys ever since that unfortunate day when he and Naruto had accidentally kissed. Somehow, someone had managed to get a picture of that moment and with the help of a small army of doujin makers, they had turned the whole things into quite a profitable exercise. In fact, since Sasuke's return, they'd even started exporting their product outside of Konoha with the Mizukage being one particularly devoted fan.)

"I have a proposition for you, Uchiha," Neji said.

Sasuke shot Neji a glare. "I'm flattered, but I don't swing that way, Hygua." Still, Sasuke couldn't quite bring himself to blame Neji. Tenten was nice and all, but well, he was just plain awesome.

Neji's eyes widened for a moment – and with his byakugan on that was pretty scary sight – before he realised what Sasuke meant. Then he kicked Sasuke. Hard. The Uchiha hit the wall with a thump before Neji stalked forward and grabbed him by the collar.

"Are you some kind of idiot? I do NOT swing that way either." Neji shook Sasuke by the collar. "Now just shut up and listen for a second."

Sasuke shoved Neji away and grabbed a shirt. Careful to keep the bed between him and Neji, he slipped it on and then gestured toward the dining room. "Fine, let's hear it."

Sitting opposite from Neji at the dining table, Sasuke kept a close eye on the Hyuga. Neji didn't look like he had any ulterior motives, but he'd come across some pretty craft fangirls before. For example, there was that one who'd faked an injury on a mission so he'd have to carry her back. Not only had she been a medic, allowing her to make the injury seem real, she'd even managed to get some pictures taken of him carrying her, which had then appeared on the black market for a not inconsiderable sum. Thankfully, Sakura had found out and after the mangling the other woman had received, it was doubtful that anyone would try something similar. Still, Neji was supposed to be a genius and Sasuke had always had his suspicions about him.

"Stop looking at me like that, Uchiha. I am not interested in you." Neji glared across the table and Sasuke could have sworn there was a twitch above the Hyuga's right eye.

"Hn." Sasuke scowled back. "So, out with it then. Why are you here?"

"As you know, later tonight, Naruto will be taking Hinata out for dinner." Neji's eyes narrowed ominously.

Sasuke narrowed his own eyes even more ominously than Neji and threw in a frown for good measure (little did they know just how ridiculous they looked – Neji looked like he was suffering from indigestion and Sasuke looked like he'd just tried to eat a lemon). "I'm aware of that, Hyuga. Honestly, I can't believe how quickly that cousin of yours has managed to get her hooks into him."

Neji's jaw clenched. "I will ignore the insult toward Hinata this time, Uchiha, but be warned, I shall not do so again."

Sasuke smirked. "And what will you do if I insult her again, Hyuga?"

"Then I will silence you." Neji crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "Permanently."

"Like you could." Sasuke snorted. "No Hygua born is a match for an Uchiha." And nobody, absolutely nobody was a match for the Sasuke Uchiha. Except for Naruto, but Sasuke was still sure that the blonde had cheated to beat him, even if he couldn't work out how.

"So you say." Neji smiled and he cackled inwardly as Sasuke flinched. His smile was a generally freaky looking expression that he'd learned from Hiashi, one that he'd come to treasure because of how much it seemed to disturb people. "But you're forgetting that it wasn't me who was screaming like a little girl only a few moments ago, Uchiha, it was you."

Sasuke felt his eye twitch. "I did not scream like a little girl." No, if anything, he'd let loose a manly roar of outrage. Yes, that was it, a manly roar of outrage. "Besides, if you knew what those fangirls were capable of…"

Neji laughed – a crazy sort of sound that he'd also learned from Hiashi. "You're pathetic, Uchiha. You need to find a woman. Once you do, she'll keep the fangirls away." Neji smirked. Yes, ever since he and Tenten had made their feeling known to each other, he'd noticed a dramatic drop in the number of fangirls he'd had to deal with. Coincidentally, there had been a massive increase in the number of women turning up at the hospital looking like pincushions. "Although you'd be lucky to find anyone even half as good as my woman."

"Hn." Sasuke growled. Neji made it sound easy, but the stupid Hyuga had been practically handed the woman who loved him, never mind the fact that the long-haired idiot was every bit as emotionally retarded as Sasuke was (yes, Sasuke knew he had a problem, but damn, if emotions turned you into a hyperactive loon like Naruto, or a ravening, violent psychotic like Sakura, well maybe he was better off being emotionally retarded). Still, Neji had given him the perfect piece of leverage. He smiled coldly. "You'd better watch what you're saying, Hyuga. I'm sure that Tenten would just love to know that you've been referring to her as 'your woman'."

Sasuke almost cackled as Neji's face paled. Early on in Neji and Tenten's relationship, the Hygua had taken to calling her his woman. It was, Sasuke thought, a typically stupid, possessive sort of thing for the prissy Hygua to say, but Tenten had dealt with it quite well. First, she'd explained to Neji that she had a name and that just because they were together didn't mean that he should stop using it. Then, she'd hurled an armoury's worth of projectiles at the Hygua genius. Sasuke found himself smiling stupidly as he recalled what happened next. Apparently, Neji had thought that it would be wise to try and deflect the projectiles using his kaiten. Well, Tenten had expected that, and had attached an exploding tag to every single one of her projectiles. It had taken them almost an hour to dig Neji out of the rubble and Tenten had stomped off to commiserate with the other girls about stupid men.

"You are a cruel man, Uchiha," Neji said slowly. "And a devious one."

No, Sasuke thought, he was a magnificent bastard. "So… Hyuga, stop stalling and get to the point."

Neji regathered himself and steepled his hands on the table. "I understand that you are not exactly… supportive of the relationship between Naruto and Hinata."

Sasuke's nodded slowly. It was true. He wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of losing his best friend to the cunning Hyuga temptress. "Go on."

"I too have my reservations about their relationship," Neji said. "Therefore, I propose that we keep an eye on them." He scowled. Already, he could see all the horrible things that Naruto would do. No doubt, Naruto would woo Hinata over dinner, luring his innocent cousin into his apartment where he would do all manner of unspeakable things to her. Yes, that pervert had probably come up with any number of indecent fantasies involving Hinata and the ways he could take advantage of her sheltered upbringing. Well, Neji would not stand for it. He would protect Hinata.

For his part, Sasuke was also thinking things over. Yes, the Uchiha could see it now. The lavender eyed temptress would smile and act all innocent during dinner and then, once she'd lulled Naruto into a false sense of security, she'd invite him back to the Hyuga Compound. Cut off from his closest and best friend (i.e., Sasuke), Naruto would be helpless when the seductress finally made her move. She'd take advantage of his naivety and then… then… He shook his head to clear away the unwanted (and frankly quite disturbing) images.

"Yes," Sasuke said. "Perhaps that would be a good idea. What did you have planned?"

Neji smiled. Pefect, it seemed that the Uchiha shared his opinions. "As a member of the Hyuga clan, I have certain… resources. Using these resources, I have secured a reservation at Toshiro's. I plan to observe them."

"Your idea isn't completely idiotic," Sasuke said. "But it would be a little suspicious if the two of us just turned up at Toshiro's at the same time."

Neji smiled. He'd never liked the Uchiha much, and now he'd not only get a chance to protect Hinata from the depraved predations of a certain blonde, he'd also have a chance to inflict a little bit of suffering on Sasuke. Yes, he thought, cackling inwardly, things were going according to plan (his outward cackling had decreased significantly after Tenten had made her displeasure known in the way she liked best – a hail of pointy projectiles). "Of course, you're right, Uchiha. However… I have a plan for that."

Sasuke leaned forward and listened intently as Neji outlined his plan. Then he screamed. And then he screamed some more.

Neji grinned. Yes, his day was going very well indeed.

X X X

Sasuke looked over at Neji and glared murderously. "I'm going to kill your for this, Hyuga. Once this is over, I'll wipe out your whole damn clan and…" He trailed off, sputtering incoherently as he tried to get a handle on his rage.

Neji smiled gently at Sasuke. "Now, now, that's not something Tenten would say."

Sasuke wasn't sure what he wanted more: to stab Neji to death or to stab himself to death. The Hyuga's brilliant plan was, well, the complete opposite of brilliant. Somehow, Neji had found out about Sasuke's ability to create genjutsu that even the byakugan had a hard time detecting and had decided that the only rational course of action was to have Sasuke disguise himself as Tenten.

"Be silent, Uchiha," Neji said. "We are almost at Toshiro's so you have to act more like Tenten."

Sasuke clenched his hands into fists and glared. The temptation to just use Amaterasu on the smug idiot was almost too much to hold back and it was only the thought of becoming a missing nin again that stopped him. Waking up each day with a small army of hunter nin trying to kill you was not fun. "I'll kill you for this."

Neji patted him on the arm and smiled warmly. "Now, now, Tenten, remember to act more ladylike."

Toshiro's was a large restaurant right in the heart of the wealthiest district in Konoha. Everything about it screamed class, from the gleaming marble steps out the front, to the intricate polished wooden floors and richly decorated walls. There were floor to ceiling windows made of stained glass and the inside was lit with crystal chandeliers. It was, needless to say, a place that only the very rich and powerful could go to.

Neji and Sasuke made their way up to the doors, looking for all the world like a wealthy young couple. Neji, of course, was dressed in a fine kimono, as was Sasuke (in fact, it disturbed Sasuke just how well Neji had been able to describe Tenten's favourite kimono).

"Good evening, sir, madam." A well dressed member of staff met them at the door. "Do you have a reservation?"

Neji nodded. "Neji Hyuga."

The member of staff nodded. "Ah, of course." He smiled at Sasuke/Tenten. "And might I say that you are looking most lovely this evening, madam."

Sasuke was about to scowl and ram a chidori through the man's chest when Neji squeezed his arm. So, doing his best to sound cheerful and glad that he'd had the foresight to alter his voice too (someone as awesome as he was always remembered the little things), he smiled back. "Why thank you, that's very nice of you."

As a waiter led them to their table, Sasuke contented himself with thinking about all the horrible things he could do to Neji once this was all over. Yes, there were so many ways to kill someone (creepiness aside, Orochimaru was very creative when it came to killing people and he'd been more than willing to teach Sasuke a thing or two). It didn't help his mood either that people kept staring at him and commenting on how _wonderfully pretty_ he was.

They were almost to their table when a loud voice came from across the restaurant.

"Hey, Neji, Tenten, is that you?"

Sasuke stifled the urge to scream and instead settled for covering his face with his hands.

Naruto waved over from where he and Hinata were sitting. Apparently, they'd only just gotten there, because the waiter was only just arriving to take their order. "I didn't know you guys were going to be here tonight."

Neji tried not to wince. He'd planned on getting to the restaurant before Naruto and Hinata. "I thought it might be good to take Tenten somewhere nice." He put on his fakest smile. "You've set the bar pretty high, Naruto."

Seemingly completely oblivious to the absolute fakeness of Neji's smile, Naruto puffed his chest out. "Hehehehe… well, I am going to be the future Hokage, so it's only right that I should set an example for all of you to follow." He looked over at Sasuke/Tenten. "Heh. I didn't think Neji could be romantic, Tenten."

Sasuke, who had spaced out in a pathetic attempt to find his "happy place" just blinked. Was someone talking to him? Neji squeezed his arm. Oh. Right. "Um… yeah… Neji's just… uh… good."

Neji just stared at Sasuke. What the hell kind of improvisation was that? Wasn't the Uchiha supposed to be a genius? Still, Naruto seemed to by it, although Hinata did look a little worried.

"Hey, I know, why don't you guys come sit by us?" Naruto smiled sunnily. "We can have them pull up a table or something." He glanced over at Hinata. "What do you think, Hinata?"

Hinata could only nod weakly. Inwardly, she really, really wanted Neji and Tenten to say no. It wasn't that she disliked them, but she really wanted to spend some alone time with Naruto. After all, who knew what they might get up to on their own? Without anyone else around, he might be a little bolder, more… assertive. Yes, she thought, blushing, she could just see it now. They'd have a wonderful dinner and then she'd have to go, but he'd stop her and take her by the hand, telling her that he'd really enjoyed their time together and wouldn't it be better if they stayed together just a little bit longer. And then he'd take her back to his apartment and they'd talk all night long and then…

Sasuke and Neji, on the other hand, were also desperately trying to come up with a way of saying no, but for very different reasons. They wanted to keep an eye out on Naruto and Hinata, but sitting right next to them was just asking for trouble.

"Actually," Neji began, "We were thinking that we could sit somewhere else…"

Hinata smiled.

"Aw, don't worry about it, Neji," Naruto said, waving things off and getting up to drag a table over to where he and Hinata were sitting. It screeched horribly as he dragged it and Neji felt his eye twitch. How embarrassing. "You two are our friends. Now come on, pull up a chair."

Hinata felt her own eye twitch.

And just like that, before Neji could even come up with anything else to say, he found himself being dragged over to sit next to Naruto, while Sasuke got a spot next to Hinata.

"See, isn't this great?" Naruto waved the waiter over. "Now why don't we start ordering? I'm really starting to feel hungry." He grinned at Hinata.

Hinata couldn't help but blush at the way Naruto said 'hungry'. He said it so very _forcefully_ and had her feeling very hungry too. But maybe not for food…

As Hinata and Naruto returned to scanning the menu, Sasuke and Neji locked eyes. Knowing full well that he couldn't say what was really on his mind, Sasuke opted to try and glare Neji to death. It did make him feel a little bit better that he actually could glare Neji to death if he wanted to. Indeed, one of his favourite things to do was to glare at enemy ninja (while striking a cool pose, of course) before setting them on fire with Amaterasu. Not only was it cool, it actually made him feel more awesome than usual, and considering how awesome he normally was, that was really saying something.

So Sasuke glared, not really realising that because he currently looked like Tenten it came across as more of a cute frown than anything else. _I'm going to kill you, Hygua. I'm going to rip out your eyes and feed them to you. I'm going to kick your ass so hard that when you puke, you'll puke up shoelaces. _Seeing the horrified look on Neji's face, Sasuke nodded and continued to glare, willing the Hyuga to understand. _Yes, Hyuga, that's right. You'll be puking shoelaces._

Never one to take things lying down – unless it was Tenten asking him – Neji glared right back. It was lucky that just like the Uchiha, he'd mastered the art of communicating threats of unlimited pain through a single glance. _Stop being a weakling, Uchiha. Remember what we're here for. And don't delude yourself. You kick my ass? Please. You couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag._

During this little exchange, Hinata looked up from her menu. She thought it was really touching how Tenten and Neji just couldn't keep their eyes off each other. Admittedly, her cousin did have a glare on his face, but really, when didn't he? Besides, it didn't look quite like his normal glare. She smiled. They really did make such a wonderful couple.

"So, you guys ready to order up?" Naruto asked.

Still glaring at Sasuke, Neji nodded. "Yes, Tenten and I are ready to order."

X X X

As they waited for their meals to arrive, Hinata couldn't help but smile warmly at Naruto. Even though Toshiro's sold food from all over the world, Naruto had gone with ramen. Of course, he hadn't gone with just one ramen, choosing to sample just about every kind there was on the menu, but it really was endearing to see him eat with such gusto. Maybe next time she had a chance, she should make him some ramen. Yes, it would be exactly the sort of excuse she needed to drop by his apartment and if he invited her in, well, so much the better…

As for her own food, Hinata had gone with something more traditional in donburi. She wasn't surprised either to see that Neji had gone with herring soba. Strangely though, Tenten had gone with omusubi with okaka and tomatoes. That was a bit odd, because normally Tenten would have gotten something else like sesame dumplings although maybe she just wanted to try something different.

Dinner was… interesting. Naruto, of course, was wonderful. He was more than happy to talk about all the things he'd gotten up to lately and Hinata had been more than happy to listen in and chime in every now and then about what she'd been doing. Neji, on the other hand, was even quieter than usual, and Tenten especially seemed quite nervous, which was strange considering how chatty the other girl could be sometimes. In fact, now that she thought about it, Hinata hadn't really seen either of them eat very much and they kept shooting each other nervous little looks. It was almost like they were hiding something and she was tempted to use her byakugan to find out if there was something wrong.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts – she'd just have to ask Tenten about it later, or maybe see if Ino knew anything – Hinata turned her attention back to Naruto as he went over his latest escapade.

"You know, Kakashi is such a slave driver," Naruto groused. "He's been having me help him out with some of his Hokage stuff. He says it's to get me ready for the job, but I think he's just doing it to torment me."

Hinata reached out and patted Naruto's hand tentatively, thankful that she managed to stay conscious. "Hokage is a difficult position. I'm sure that he's just trying to make sure you do well."

"Do well?" Naruto laughed. "I'll be the best there ever was. But, Hinata, you don't know him like I do. See, you always think the best about people, but Kakashi is pure evil. He had me doing all of his paperwork for a week saying that I needed to practice."

Hinata frowned faintly. Was that even legal? It was one thing for Sakura to do Kakashi's paperwork – she was his assistant after all – but Naruto? Although that would explain why for a week all of her mission reports had come back signed in bright orange pen. "Really?"

Naruto gave her a big thumbs up. "Heh. It was pretty bad for a while until I started using kage bunshin. I might not be too good at paperwork, but a thousand of me can get through it pretty quickly."

Hinata flushed. A thousand Narutos? That made her think of all kinds of deliciously sinful things. Well, maybe a thousand Narutos was a bit much, but two or three? Oh, the possibilities…

"Hey, Hinata, your face is a little red, was the food too spicy or something?" Naruto asked as he reached out to put one hand on her forehead.

Hinata flushed even more, all too aware of how close Naruto was as he leaned in to look at her more closely. He was so close that all she'd have to do was lean forward just a little and then they'd be…

SNAP.

Naruto jerked away, smiling sheepishly and Hinata had to hold back a sigh. Across the table from them, both Neji and Tenten had broken their chopsticks.

"Hey, you two really are a couple," Naruto said with a laugh. "Looks like we'll have to get you some more chopsticks."

Dinner passed quickly – much too quickly for Hinata's liking – and soon enough it was time for dessert.

"Hey, how about we get some ice cream?" Naruto suggested. "I've heard it's really good here."

Hinata nodded. The ice cream here was supposed to be the best in all of Fire Country and maybe she could even get Naruto to share some with her. They could even share the same spoon. It'd be like kissing… sort of. On the other hand, Tenten did look a little pale. "Okay, Naruto, let's try some ice cream."

They all ordered some ice cream and Hinata watched closely as Tenten just poked and prodded at hers. It was odd, because for as long as Hinata had known her, Tenten had liked ice cream. In fact, it wasn't unusual to see the brunette dragging Neji around to get some whenever it was even a little bit warm. Was Tenten sick? Seemingly noticing Hinata staring, Tenten took a few tentative bites of her ice cream, but there was a slightly queasy look to her face that it made clear that she wasn't enjoying it.

"I can't believe it," Naruto growled as he looked at his own mango flavoured ice cream. "They're supposed to have more than a hundred different flavours here and they don't have a ramen flavour? What a joke. I'm going to go see the chef."

"Uh, Naruto… I don't think that's such a good idea," Hinata stammered.

"Oh, it'll be fine," Naruto said as he got out of his seat and stalked toward the kitchen. "I'll just explain to them how awesome ramen is and why it should have its own flavour of ice cream."

Neji got up to and scowled before chasing after Naruto. "I'll go get him before he embarrasses us all."

Hinata shot Neji a grateful look. As cute as Naruto's ramen obsession was, and as much as she'd thought about all the different ways she could put it to use, ramen flavoured ice cream was a bit of a stretch. Finally, with the two males away from the table, Hinata turned her attention back to Tenten.

"Tenten," Hinata said softly. "Are you feeling well? You haven't touched your ice cream at all."

Tenten shook her head. "I just don't feel like having anything sweet at the moment."

Hinata's eyes widened. Now this really was getting strange. Yet things were finally starting to make sense. Yes, Hinata thought, there was one explanation. She thought back to all of the looks that Neji had been giving Tenten. Were they looks of concern? And Tenten not eating the things she normally did and looking a bit sick. Add to that the fact that Tenten had been wearing some baggy clothes lately…

Did that mean… was Tenten…

"Tenten," Hinata whispered, "Are you pregnant?"

"What?" Tenten croaked.

Hinata reached out and gently took Tenten's hands in hers. "You don't have to be afraid, Tenten. Neji loves you very much and I'm sure that he'll take responsibility. If you're worried about the clan then you shouldn't be, I'm sure that I can get father and the council to approve the marriage." And if there were problems, Hinata was sure that Hanabi would help. Her younger sister might be a little… mischievous, but she would jump at the chance to flex a little political muscle.

For his part, Sasuke was doing his best not to puke and it took every bit of willpower he had to maintain the genjustu that kept him disguised as Tenten. The very idea of being pregnant, let alone with Neji's child, was enough to make him want to turn Amaterasu himself along with kirin. A grimace crossed his lips and he could have sworn he heard laughter. Damn it, Itachi was probably laughing his ass off at him from the afterlife.

(As a matter of fact, Itachi was indeed laughing his ass off. Being dead had its advantages, not least of which was the ability to watch his foolish little brother make an absolute idiot out of himself on an almost daily basis. Coincidentally, Itachi wasn't the only Uchiha watching. Both Mikoto and Fugaku kept a close eye on Sasuke, as well, and while Mikoto found the whole thing quite amusing, Fugaku had taken to trying to kill himself out of shame, which was a little difficult considering that he was already dead.)

Of course, Naruto chose that exact moment to come back. And of course, he heard what Hinata and Tenten were talking about courtesy of his Kyubi enhanced senses. And of course, he handled what he'd heard with absolutely zero tact.

"Tenten, you're pregnant!" Naruto screamed. "That is so freaking awesome!"

Beside Naruto, Neji turned pale and quietly wished that he could die. This was not happening.

Naruto turned and put Neji into a headlock. "Man, I can't believe it. I never thought you'd be the first one out of all of us to have a kid. How about you name the kid after me, or something? Or maybe you could it after ramen?"

Neji shoved Naruto away and stumbled over to his seat. This was not happening.

Seeing the stunned look on Neji's face, Hinata's eyes narrowed. "You will take responsibility, won't you?" she asked, a definite edge to her voice. "You're not going to do anything silly, right, Neji?"

"Of course he will," Naruto said. "Neji's a great guy." He glanced over at Tenten. "So how long have you been pregnant? I mean, you don't look that pregnant." He put one hand on Tenten's stomach. "Yeah, you're not fat or anything yet, although I guess you'll get fat later and… wait… is that just your stomach growling, or is it the baby kicking?"

Sasuke began to laugh with more than a touch of hysteria to it. He was willing to put up with a lot of things, but he was not going to have Naruto rubbing his stomach and asking if the baby was kicking.

"I am not pregnant!" Sasuke screamed as he stood and slapped Naruto's hand away before finally releasing the genjutsu.

Absolute silence reigned as every single person in the restaurant turned to look at the Uchiha. Hinata looked slowly from Sasuke to Neji, her eyes wide with shock. Naruto also looked slowly from Sasuke to Neji as he too put the pieces together.

And then…

"You…" Naruto stammered, pointing one finger at Neji. "You're cheating on Tenten with Sasuke?"

Neji and Sasuke looked at each other with looks of utter horror.

"That's not what's going on, you idiot!" Sasuke growled.

Of course it wasn't, Hinata thought. She knew her cousin and he was an honourable man. Most likely, he'd just been too ashamed to come forward about being… well… attracted to men and had asked Tenten to cover for him.

"Oh, Neji, I can't believe you've been hiding something like this." Hinata stood and wrapped her arms around Neji, pulling him close. How tough it must have been for him. "You didn't have to pretend that you and Tenten were going out… I wouldn't have thought less of you." She smiled. Honestly, it was just like Tenten to do anything to help out a friend, even if it meant pretending to go out with them. "But don't worry. It's okay. I'll support you, no matter who you love."

Neji could only stand there too horrified to even scream. This could not be happening. This could not be happening. This could not be happening.

But it was. It most definitely was.

X X X

**Author's Notes**

First of all, I neither own Naruto, nor am I making any money off this.

So… it's been a while. My apologies for not updating in ages but life and other things have gotten in the way. That said, I'm pleased to be updating again and I hope to get a decent updating schedule up and running. This chapter was really fun to write, because I pretty much made it up as I went along before going back to check for spelling and grammar mistakes. I had considered having Tenten walk in at the end, but that would've been a little too much. Besides, with all those other people in the restaurant watching, it's only a matter of time before she finds out. Muhahahaha… erm… yeah. Anyway, the food that they ordered is roughly based on what they are supposed to like based on the guidebooks and other resources.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.


	7. Chapter 7

**How Not To Deal With Rumours**

Sasuke was not having a good day. In fact, it would be fair to say that he was having one of the worst days of his life. Of course it wasn't _the_ worst day of his life. That would be the day of the Uchiha Massacre and really, he didn't see how anything could be worse than that, although some of his days with Orochimaru and Madara had come close (he supposed he probably shouldn't have called Orochimaru a pervert to his face, or pointed out to Madara how stupid it was to use the moon – the freaking moon – as part of his "genius" plan to conquer the world).

It was bad enough that he was tromping through the ass-end of Fire Country in the pouring rain in pursuit of some missing nin wanted for questioning, the fact that he was doing so with Sai only made it that much worse. It was times like this that he seriously considered going rogue again. Hunter nin be damned, at least he'd be able to pick and choose the missions he went on and none of them would involve Sai (unless it was killing the former ROOT member).

"It has always puzzled me as to why you stayed with Orochimaru for so long," Sai said and Sasuke could have sworn that the normally expressionless fool was actually smiling, or at least doing his best impression with a smile. "However, given your behaviour with Neji, I think I now understand." Sai tilted his head to one side. "Clearly you and Orochimaru were lovers. Was it a lover's quarrel that made you kill him?"

For one long moment, Sasuke seriously considered ramming a chidori through Sai's chest. It would look and feel wonderful. However, just as he was beginning to channel his chakra, his conscience decided to make itself known.

Sasuke blinked as a little Naruto popped into existence on his right shoulder. "Don't be a bastard, Sasuke! Sai is your friend and you don't use chidori on your friends!"

"Right…" Sasuke wasn't sure which was worse, the fact that he was currently hallucinating his conscience into existence, or the fact that it looked like Naruto. "You do realise that I used a chidori on you, don't you, idjot?"

The little Naruto grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "Well… that's what makes you a bastard. Anyway, don't use it on Sai. Unlike the awesomeness that is me, he will definitely die if you put a hole in him with chidori."

"But he's a fool," Sasuke replied. "And he does call you dickless."

The little Naruto stopped and thought for a moment. "You know… you're right about that." Sasuke grinned and started to gather his chakra again. "But that doesn't mean you should. Just, I don't, kick him in the head or something."

Sasuke glanced over at Sai who was, by now, looking at him strangely. "I suppose I could do that… but it just wouldn't be the same."

"Of course it wouldn't!" A little Madara popped into existence on Sasuke's left shoulder. "You are an avenger and no avenger would ever be content with simply kicking him in the face. Kill, Sasuke, it is your destiny, the destiny of all who bear the blood of the Uchiha!"

Little Naruto glared at little Madara. "Shut up, jerk! Sasuke doesn't have to kill anybody. Besides, Sai isn't related to the Senju, you bastard, so all that 'eternity of hatred' crap you're always spouting doesn't apply. Go off and die already – oh wait, that's right, I already killed you!" Little Naruto stuck his tongue out. "You suck!"

"Impudent child!" little Madara roared. "I am Sasuke's conscience, not you!"

Little Naruto's response was to make a rude gesture and laugh. "Bring it on! I'll kill you just like the last time!"

"That's enough," Sasuke growled, grabbing the two little figures that were currently engaged in a small war on his shoulders complete with mini rasenshurikens and space-time jutsu. "I'm not killing Sai." Little Naruto gave a cheer. "But only because it would cause too much trouble for me in the village." Little Naruto scowled.

As little Naruto and little Madara disappeared, Sasuke glared at Sai. "What are you looking at?"

Sai shrugged. "You were staring into nothing for a while there and talking to yourself."

"Hn." Sasuke knew better than to try discussing things with Sai. As it was, Sai should be thanking the kami that Sasuke's conscience, as warped as it was, had decided he should live.

They managed to travel on in blissful silence for about ten minutes before Sai spoke again.

"Sasuke… do you find me attractive?" Sai asked.

Sasuke almost fell out of the tree they were in. "What?" he screamed, rounding on Sai with a furious glare. "What the hell did you just ask?"

"I was under the impression that you did not have any hearing problems," Sai said. "But what I asked was: do you find me attractive?"

Taking a deep breath and reminding himself, once again, that he was a loyal member of the village and not a violent psychopath, Sasuke managed to restrained himself. In a very, very brittle voice, he replied, "No, Sai, I do not find you attractive."

Naturally, Sai just couldn't let the matter drop. "Why?"

"Sai, shut up." Sasuke looked up at the sky. The clouds were dark and he could see the occasional flash of lightning. It would be so easy to just use kirin and claim that Sai had been killed by a normal lightning bolt. Hell, no one would ever know…

"Is it perhaps my hair? Do you prefer long hair?" Sai paused. "That would explain why you like Neji and why you liked Orochimaru, but then again, Naruto doesn't have long hair and –"

That was it. Lips pulled back into a snarl, Sasuke grabbed Sai by the collar of his shirt and flung him out of the tree. The other man managed to right himself just before he hit the ground, but Sasuke wasn't done yet. With a growl, the Uchiha drove his fist into Sai's jaw. The blow knocked Sai onto his back and Sasuke stood over him, eyes already the deep crimson of the sharingan.

"Sai, if you want to live, you will shut up, right now."

"Hmmmm… you seem to have reacted quite violently to my words," Sai said, casually wiping some blood off his lip. "Perhaps you are in denial."

"Denial?" Sasuke's fists clenched. Never mind his conscience, Sai was a dead man. He'd had enough. Not only had Sasuke been tormented by fangirls on their way out of the village, all wanting to know if the rumours of a torrid love affair with Neji were true (they were not, damn it!), but he'd also been accosted by several fan_boys_ all of whom were convinced that they now had a chance (they didn't!). It didn't help either that Neji, the idiot, had just holed himself up in the Hyuga Compound, relying on his clan to fend off all the curious civilians and ninja. Sasuke could only hope that Tenten would get back from her mission soon so that she could castrate the idiot with a blunt kunai. Hopefully, he'd get to watch.

"Yes, Sasuke," Sai said. "Clearly you are in denial about your latent feelings for –"

Sasuke leaned down and grabbed Sai by the throat. "What did I just tell you? Shut up!"

Any joy that Sasuke might have felt about finally getting around to strangling Sai lasted only as long as it took for him to realise that they were no longer alone. Dropping Sai back to the ground, the Uchiha turned to find that the missing nin they were after was right there staring at them with a look of complete horror.

"Uh…. sorry for interrupting," the missing nin said. "Please continue."

Sasuke glared. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

The missing nin took a slow step back. "You're Sasuke Uchiha right? Word is that… well, you're not exactly straight, so I figured that you and the pretty boy over there were…"

"Were what?" Sasuke wanted to scream. Somehow the rumour had managed to get outside of Konoha. When he found who was responsible, he was going to kill them and slowly too. "What did you think we were doing?"

It might have been the crazed gleam in the Uchiha's eyes or the look of utter madness on his face, but the missing nin suddenly realised what a precarious position he was in. Smiling nervously, he quietly began to gather his chakra. "Well, you know… weren't you two… uh… making out?"

Sasuke's closed his eyes. When they opened they were no longer simply sharingan, but mangekyo sharingan. "You know, I only have to bring you back to Konoha alive. It probably doesn't matter if you're missing a limb or two." He smirked. Yes, he could definitely get away with maiming a missing nin even if he did have to try and come back with Sai in one piece. "You're mine."

However, Sasuke only managed to get a single step closer to the missing nin before something wrapped around his ankle and tripped him. He turned to find that he'd been tripped by one of Sai's ink animals.

"Let go of me, Sai!"

Sai shook his head. "I'm afraid that our mission was simply to capture the missing nin. I cannot let you force yourself on him!"

Needless to say, what happened next was not pleasant. Not for the missing nin, and most definitely not for Sai.

X X X

In contrast to Sasuke, Hinata thought her day was going rather well. Her morning had consisted of a delightful dream involving her, a certain blonde jinchuriki, and a gaggle of little blonde children with the byakugan. They'd all been eating pancakes with maple syrup and once the children had gone off to attend the Academy it had just been her and Naruto. Naruto had come up with some… well… deliciously creative uses for syrup that had nothing at all to do with pancakes. Hinata blushed. It was just a dream, but she couldn't help but wonder… after all, Naruto always had been so very creative.

Well, with her morning starting off so well (although it had been a shame that she'd woken up before things could reach their, ahem, finish), she decided that it might be nice to make a few bowls of ramen and have an early lunch with Naruto. She really couldn't think of a better way to spend lunch than with the person she loved. Also, like most ninja, she had a reasonable grasp of psychology, and by associating herself with ramen, which Naruto absolutely loved, she would, hopefully, get Naruto to absolutely love her too.

However, her plans hit a snag when she turned up at Naruto's apartment with the ramen only to find that he wasn't there. That was strange, because she knew for a fact that he didn't have any missions lined up (having the Hokage's assistant for a friend did have its advantages, even if lately Sakura had been acting a bit too much like Ino for her liking). So where could he be? She was just about to leave, when the door of the apartment next to Naruto's opened.

An old man stepped out of the door. He looked at her for a moment with a puzzled look on his face and then he saw the ramen. Smiling kindly, he waved her over. "You wouldn't be looking for Naruto, now would you?"

Hinata blinked and then followed the old man's gaze to the ramen she was holding. Of course, the ramen had given it away. "Um… actually, I am. Do you know where he is?"

The old man looked her over for a moment and Hinata stifled the urge to fidget. "Well, I'm glad that Naruto has finally found a nice, decent woman like you."

"Oh?" Hinata's voice was eerily calm. "Have there been other women?"

A shudder ran through the old man. "Yes, but not the good sort like you. I'm talking about fangirls. They've been stalking him for years now, you know, keeping an eye on his house, trying to peek in through the windows." Hinata made a mental note to have several Hyuga patrol the area. "The problem is that he's just too kind, you know. He even brings them umbrellas sometimes when it rains and they're getting wet." The old man made a disgusted sound. "I told him not to bother because it only encourages them. He should be more like that Uchiha and give them the cold shoulder."

Hinata smiled thinly. "I wasn't aware that things were like that."

"Oh yes," the old man said. "Ever since he defeated that Pain fellow and people found out who his parents were, there have been gold diggers popping up all over the place." He smiled at her again. "But you're different. Unless I'm mistaken you're a Hyuga, and the Heiress at that, so it can't be his money you're after."

"Um… thank you."

"Yes, and you're much better than that pink haired friend of his." The old man shook his head. "Such a violet young woman. Always punching people through walls and the such." He pointed at a dent in a nearby wall that bore a disturbing resemblance to Naruto. "She did that just last week, you know."

"Really?" Hinata twitched. Sakura was her friend, but really, she would have to do something about her punching Naruto into walls.

"She most definitely did," the old man said. "And she made it look easy too. But you, you're a lady, aren't you? Why, you even brought him ramen." He laughed and shot Hinata a sly look. "Now that's a good idea. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and I think that goes double for Naruto." His eyes dropped below Hinata's face and she blushed. "Besides, you've got nice child bearing hips, which is good, because you can just tell that any children Naruto has are going to be rowdy from the get go."

Hinata blushed furiously. "We… we haven't gotten that far!"

"Of course not," the old man shot back. "He's a gentleman, although he really should get moving. He's not going to stay young forever. Still, at least he's not like the Uchiha… such a waste, him liking men and all." The old man shook sighed. "Anyway, if you're looking for Naruto, you might want to try the orphanage over near the south side of the village."

Hinata nodded. "Thank you."

The old man just grinned. "You better get a move on, that ramen won't stay hot forever."

As she hopped from rooftop to rooftop, Hinata felt a little like kicking herself. She should have expected something like this. It was easy to forget sometimes, because Naruto was so popular now and had so many friends, even if some of them were a tad violent – Saukra – or just weird – Sasuke – but things hadn't always been that way. He didn't like to talk about it much, but she had heard a few things from Iruka about some of the problems he'd had before people finally started to accept Naruto for the great person that he was. It was only natural then that he'd spend some time at the orphanage. She knew that he would hate for anyone to feel as alone as he must have felt when he was a child.

She reached the orphanage in record time and took a moment to compose herself before she slipped through the front gate. After all, it wouldn't do to look anything but her best (she was, however, forgetting the fact that Naruto had seen her absolutely drenched in the blood of her enemies before and that at least some part of him found that very, very attractive, not to mention, the Kyubi most definitely approved). Quickly, she checked to see that the ramen was still warm. To her relief, it was, so now all she had to do was find Naruto. However, before she could activate her byakugan, she heard the sounds of children laughing followed by Naruto's boisterous voice cheering over the top of them.

As quietly as she could because she really did want to see how Naruto handled children (although what she'd really like was to see Naruto handled _their_ children), she crept around the side of the building over to the playground at the back. Naruto was there in the middle of the playground surrounded by a crowd of awed children. He was gesticulating wildly and making all kinds of sounds to accompany the show that he was putting on for the children.

"You see, Kakuzu was one creepy guy," Naruto emphasised the word 'creepy' and a moment later a kage bunshin appeared that he quickly henged into a cartoonish caricature of Kakuzu, complete with threads and detachable limbs. "He was tough too, because he didn't have just one heart – he had five and all of them were rotten!"

The children 'ooohed' and 'aaaahed' appropriately and Hinata couldn't help but smile, as well. A second later, Naruto made another kage bunshin, which immediately henged to look as he had during his younger years.

"Luckily for me, before I fought Kakuzu, he'd already spent a lot of time fighting Kakashi and the others." Several other kage bunshin appeared and henged into caricatures of Kakashi and the others. The Kakuzu bunshin shook its fist at the others, who all replied by making faces. "Plus, just before I fought him, I'd just come up with this awesome new attack – the rasenshuriken – and after a bit of fighting, because Kakuzu was really tricky, I finally managed to hit him with it!"

The younger Naruto bunshin summoned a glowing sphere of chakra and rammed it into the Kakuzu bunshin who let loose an overly dramatic cry of pain and then vanished in a cloud of smoke. Hinata giggled. She hadn't been at that particular battle, but she was pretty sure that things hadn't gone quite so smoothly. Although Ino had told her a bit about the fight, and she somehow doubted that the caretakers of the orphanage would be pleased if Naruto used a real rasenshuriken for his story. It would probably blenderise everything, including the orphanage and the orphans, which would probably make a pretty big dent in Naruto's chances of being made Hokage.

As the children all clapped and cheered at the demise of Kakuzu, Naruto stiffened and then looked directly at where Hinata was hiding. Her eyes widened. Had he sensed her? She was really quite good at hiding so… her eyes dropped to the ramen she was holding. Of course, Naruto could always be counted on to know when there was ramen nearby.

Putting a smile on her face, she stepped out into the open.

"Hinata…" Naruto said, his voice low and deep and with just the right amount of roughness to it to send all sorts of wonderfully pleasant shivers through her. "You brought me ramen!"

And before she could say a thing, he had swept her up in his arms and was swinging her around in a big circle. It took everything she had to keep the ramen from spilling, especially when he was so close to her and looking so very handsome.

Finally, he put her down and stepped back with a slightly embarrassed look on his face. "Um… I thought we could have lunch together, Naruto." Hinata was keenly aware that all of the children were looking at her now and that some of the little girls looked less than pleased to see her.

He grinned. "Sure, so long as you don't mind eating here." He scratched the back of his head and looked around nervously. "It's just… well, I try to come back here whenever I can, you know."

She smiled. "I think it's lovely that you come back here." A flush crossed her cheeks, but she pressed on. "It's very noble."

As the two of them sat down beneath one of the trees to eat their lunch, Hinata noticed that one of the children was staring at her particularly intently. It was a little girl, perhaps seven or eight, with blonde hair and lilac eyes. She blinked. The girl could almost have been her and Naruto's child…

"Are you all right?" Hinata asked.

The girl crept over a little shyly and tugged on Hinata's sleeve. "Um… are you blind?"

Hinata's eyes widened and she giggled as Naruto almost spat out a mouthful of ramen. Swallowing hastily, Naruto looked over at the little girl. "Hey, Akiko, you shouldn't be so blunt." That was a little ironic considering Naruto's usual behaviour, and the girl looked a little downcast until Naruto reached over to pat her on the head. "Look, I'm not mad or anything, it's just that you probably shouldn't just ask people if they're blind out of the blue like that." He grinned. "Besides, Hinata isn't blind. In fact, she's got better eyes than me."

"Really?" Akiko asked. "Wow."

Naruto nodded sagely and gave Hinata a sunny smile. "Yes, really. The noble Hyuga clan have the keenest eyes in the village. Sure the sharingan can copy your moves and stuff but the byakugan can see through walls!" Naruto cackled. "Man, I could have pulled so many awesome pranks if I'd had eyes like that when I was a kid."

The girl looked back at Hinata. "Can you really see through walls?"

A little taken aback by the look of awe on the little girl's face, Hinata could only nod. "Most walls, yes."

Akiko grabbed her by sleeve and pointed at the upper floor of the orphanage. "Can you see what's in that room over there?" she babbled. "Can you? Can you?"

Hinata looked over at Naruto who just shrugged. Activating her byakugan, she glanced through the wall. "It looks like a pantry."

The girl nodded. "It is. Now can you tell me where the cookies are?"

Hinata looked more closely at the room. "The cookies are on the second shelf from the door, hidden behind the potatoes."

Akiko cheered. "Hah! I knew they were in there." Looking decidedly less shy, she began to rub her hands together with a crafty look on her face that Hinata could easily imagine on Naruto's face. "Now that I know where they are, I'll get them for sure the next time…"

Naruto chuckled and bopped Akiko lightly on the head. "No stealing cookies." He took a quick look around to make sure none of the caretakers were around and then leaned down to whisper into Akiko's ear. "Or at least no getting caught and if you are caught, no telling anyone that Hinata helped you, okay?"

Akiko nodded back with an utterly serious look on her face and Hinata had to cover her mouth with one hand as she tried to hold back a laugh. She had a feeling that it wouldn't be long before Akiko put in an application to join the Academy. As they continued to eat, a few more of the children wandered over and it was amazing to see Naruto keep up a steady pace, even with a child on either knee, as well as one hanging off his back like some kind of money.

"Hey," Akiko said as Hinata and Naruto finished eating. "If you can see through walls, you can see through other things too, right?"

Hinata nodded. "Most things, yes." What the child was asking about was common knowledge in the ninja world, but probably not to civilians.

"What about clothes?" Akiko asked. "Because I was playing cards with Shuji the other day and I just know he was hiding some in his shirt and…"

Hinata blushed as she tried to think up the appropriate response. Of course, the byakugan could see through clothes, but it was kind of hard to admit that with Naruto looking right at her. It would be tantamount to admitting that she had used the byakugan like that (she so had) and that was not something she wanted to do, especially when the person she'd used it on was right there. Besides, it had only been the one time (but she could remembere absolutely everything…).

"Um… yes," Hinata stammered.

But rather than ask why she was blushing so much or looking at him so strangely, Naruto just shrugged. "That makes sense. It would be weird if you couldn't. Still, you'd never do anything like that, would you, Hinata?"

Hinata gulped. "Umm…. no."

With lunch out of the way, the children were eager for another game.

"Let's play hide and seek," one of the children suggested. "We haven't done that for a while."

One of the other kids scowled. "Hide and seek is boring. Naruto always wins!"

Akiko grabbed Hinata's sleeve. "He won't win this time! We've got her and she can see through walls!"

The other children all looked at Hinata in awe.

Naruto smirked. "Heh. Well, I guess it's only fair that you have a ninja to help you against me. So, Hinata, you up for a game of hide and seek, unless you're busy or something?"

Hinata didn't even have to think it over. More time with Naruto? She'd just have to reschedule that meeting of hers with Sakura and the others. "No, I'm not busy at all."

"Good." Naruto turned to the children. "Now, it's the same rules as usual. All of you against me, except this time you guys have got Hinata. Remember, you have to count to a hundred and then you can go find me." He leaned forward and poked Hinata in the forehead. "Now to make things fair, Hinata, don't turn on your byakugan until they get to a hundred, okay!" He leaned forward to whisper in her ear and she was sorely tempted to just turn her head a fraction and… "And don't make me look too bad, okay, Hinata?"

Hinata swallowed thickly. "Okay." Her voice came out a little strangled, but she couldn't find it in her to care.

As the children began to count to one hundred, Naruto vanished. Hinata found herself looking forward to playing the game. The truth was she'd never played hide and seek before. In a clan full of people with the byakugan, the game just seemed a little pointless, but she had seen children playing it in the park when she was little and it had seemed like a lot of fun.

When the children finally reached one hundred, they took off in all directions to search for Naruto. Despite the blonde's wonderfully outgoing (most would say annoyingly loud) nature, she knew that when he really wanted to, he could be very difficult to find.

Only Akiko remained behind, and she again tugged on Hinata's sleeve. "Come on, help me find him!"

Hinata giggled and activated her byakugan. When she saw where Naruto was, she had to struggle to hold back her laughter. Naruto was perched on the tree directly above where the children had been counting. Moreover, he had just spotted her and he made an exaggerated winking motion, one he knew she'd catch with her byakugan on. Still chuckling softly, she ignored his frantically waving arms, and walked over to the tree. Then, much to Akiko's delight, she gave the tree a stout kick.

Naruto tumbled to the ground. "Aw, come on, Hinata, that wasn't even five minutes!"

Hinata smiled softly. "Akiko was very persuasive."

"Hah!" Akiko latched onto Naruto. "I've got you now! What do I get for winning?"

Naruto put on a mock scowl. "Isn't the joy of winning enough of a reward?"

Akiko shook her head and then punched him in the stomach. Being as small as she was, she did nothing more than give herself a sore hand. "Ouch." She pouted. "Well, I should get a prize for being the first person to beat you."

"You did have Hinata's help you know," Naruto pointed out.

"You're right." Akiko smiled happily. "So you should give both of us a prize!"

Naruto sighed dramatically. "Fine… I suppose I could help you steal some of those cookies." He got back to his feet and pulled Akiko up with him. "So how about you follow me." He made a kage bunshin. "I'll let the others chase this guy around and you and me can go snag some cookies." He smirked. "Hinata can keep an eye out for trouble."

As Hinata followed Naruto and Akiko, she couldn't wipe the silly smile off her face. Here she was sneaking into an orphanage to steal some cookies and she couldn't be happier.

"Wait," she whispered softly as the three of them pressed themselves against one of the walls. "There's someone around the corner…"

X X X

In an ideal world, Hiashi would already have stepped down as clan head to spend most of his time drinking tea and babysitting several fine young grandchildren. However, the world was far from ideal, and rather than dealing with grandchildren, he was just now dealing with a nephew who might not produce any.

"Neji," Hiashi began, staring across the table at his nephew. "I have heard some… rumours."

The younger man sort of twitched and Hiashi had to calm himself. It was very tempting to just start screaming, and really that's what he probably would have done under normal circumstances. But last night, Hinata had approached him and made it very clear that she wanted him to handle the matter delicately. Naturally, he'd scoffed a little – he was still the clan head – but Hinata had backed up her soft words with a wonderfully malicious glare that had looked just like her mother's. It had been quite heart warming and Hiashi had decided that perhaps he could go along with his daughter's wishes. Besides, whenever her mother had gotten that look, disagreeing had led to pain. Lots of it.

"What are these rumours that you've heard?" Neji asked.

Hiashi sighed. "I spoke to Hinata yesterday and she told me that you might be… reluctant in discussing things. However, I would like to hear your side of things. Perhaps," and Hiashi really hoped this was the case, "There has simply been a misunderstanding."

Neji was tempted to throw himself to the ground at Hiashi's feet. Finally, someone was looking at things with a decent amount of sanity. He might still be able to get out of this alive, because if Tenten found out and he didn't have the greatest excuse since the founding of Konoha, he was a dead man. Or rather, he'd wish he were dead. She was too good to just kill him straight off.

"Uncle… it's like this." And so Neji explained what had happened, starting from when he'd snuck into Sasuke's house and ending with the disaster at the restaurant.

Throughout the story, Hiashi went through a gamut of emotions. First, there was horror at hearing that Neji had snuck into the Uchiha's house (by the Kami, it was true!) followed by relief as Neji described how he and Sasuke had only talked (yes! There was still hope). However, as Neji began to describe his plan in more detail, Hiashi felt a wave of despair sweep over him. His nephew was a genius, a ninja of great power and tremendous intellect. There was no way that Neji could possibly have come up with something so obviously destined for failure, which meant that he was lying and that…

"That is enough," Hiashi said softly. "Neji, I've heard enough."

Neji smiled. He was saved. "So… uncle, do you understand now?"

Hiashi understood all right. Perhaps Hinata had been right. Truly, Neji was a young man caught in the grips of denial. Still, Hiashi would do his best to handle things properly. He owed it to Neji's father to see that Neji lived the best life he could, even if it was with a traitorous Uchiha.

"Yes, Neji, I understand." Hiashi put on what he hoped was a comforting smile and hesitantly reached over to pat Neji on the shoulder. "You don't have to try and hide things from me with some crazy story."

Neji wanted to scream. Had everyone else in the world gone insane? Hinata and Naruto had reacted the exact same way when he'd tried to explain why Sasuke had been disguising himself as Tenten. Surely, they'd heard of using genjutsu for that before, hadn't they? And now Hiashi was smiling at him and telling him that he didn't have to hide anything. Not only was the older man's smile terrifying, what with only half of his face smiling while the other half seemed caught in a permanent from, but now Hiashi was touching him. That was just wrong. Hiashi didn't touch people to comfort them. He touched them to paralyse or kill them.

"If you wish to be with the Uchiha," Hiashi said. "I will do my best to support you. As your uncle, it is the leas that I can do."

There was a knock on the door and they both turned as Hanabi entered.

"What is it?" Hiashi asked.

Hanabi looked at Neji and he paled. He knew that look. He'd seen it before when Hanabi had been in midst of plotting a particularly vicious scheme, like the time she'd managed to have a law passed at the council requiring all of the members except for her, Hinata, and their father to shave their heads. Fortunately, for the clan, the law had been repealed, but still, it had disturbed the elders to no end that the young woman hadn't just threatened to humiliate them, she actually had. She'd also had the same look on her face the day she'd attended her fist meeting between the different clan heads with Hiashi. Apparently, Kiba had been there and she'd said something that had aggravated the Inuzuka so much that he'd had to be forcibly restrained and sedated (what Neji didn't know was exactly what Hanabi had said. Due to the inappropriate nature of the remarks, Hinata had declined to tell him, but she did say that it involved Kiba, Akamaru and things that the two could do together that weren't socially acceptable, all of it delivered in the most poetic and noble phrasing imaginable).

"One of your teammates is at the gates," Hanabi said sweetly.

"Yes?" Neji croaked. Please it be Lee… please let it be Lee… "Which one?"

"The one who wears green." Hanabi winced. "Lots of green. Tight green."

"Yes!" Neji screamed. Thank the kami it wasn't Tenten. There was still time to come up with an excuse and live.

For his part, Hiashi could only watch Neji celebrate the arrival of his very _male_ teammate with a sense of detached disbelief. Was Neji a… a… player?

"Uncle," Neji said. "If I may be excused?"

Hiashi nodded slowly. "You may, but please… remember, a man should be faithful to those he cares for." Hiashi sighed. "And please consider how the Uchiha may feel before you do anything foolish."

Neji just stared. Did his father think that he… with Lee… He was going to be sick. Muttering an apology, he sprinted from the room.

"He is running awfully quickly now isn't he?" Hanabi commented with a sly smile.

Hiashi just nodded. Perhaps he should have this Lee investigate more thoroughly.

X X X

Neji almost screamed when he woke up to find a haggard figure crouched next to his window. However, he was a proud member of the noble Hyuga clan and Hygua did not scream. So instead, he practically threw himself against the far wall and scrambled into a fighting stance. It didn't help either that the figure by the window had glowing red eyes.

"Hyuga…"

Neji's byakugan activated and he bit back a growl. "Uchiha."

Sasuke scowled. "I've been out of this village for a week and you still haven't done anything to get rid of those stupid rumours about us. What have you been doing all week, hiding in your clan's compound like a child?"

That had been exactly what Neji had been doing, but he wasn't about to admit it. "I have had other matters to attend to, Uchiha."

Sasuke's frown deepened. "Well, you had better attend to the rumours." He made a disgusted sound. "Somehow, the rumours have spread outside of Konoha. The missing nin I was after had the audacity to think that Sai and I were…" he could scarcely force the words out. "Making out."

For a moment, Neji was tempted to point and laugh. It would have been horribly immature, but given how things had gone for him recently, he'd take what he could get. However, the memory of Hiashi accusing him of liking Lee of all people was still too fresh for it to be really funny. "I see. I will investigate. Once I find out who is responsible, I will deal with them."

Sasuke nodded before an eerie smiled crossed his face. "And Tenten?"

Neji breathed out a sigh of relief. "Not due back for a few days, I think."

Unfortunately, for Neji, fate was not so kind.

"Neji!" Tenten cried as she burst in through his window, knocking Sasuke to the floor. As the Uchiha picked himself up with a groan, Neji could only wonder as to how the compound's security could get so lax that people were literally bursting into his room. He also couldn't help but wonder if Naruto had also been taking advantage of the drop in standards and resolved to triple the patrols around Hinata's room. "I heard this crazy rumour…"

The weapon user trailed off as she noticed Sasuke lying on the ground. Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' and she looked from Neji to Sasuke and then back again. Before she could begin babbling, Neji grabbed her.

"Listen to me!" Neji growled. Damn it, this was his love life on the line here! "Don't listen to those rumours. What really happened is…"

By the time he'd finished explaining, Tenten had gone from shell-shocked to enraged. Somehow, Neji had a feeling that the change in mood was not a good thing.

Tenten put one hand over her face. "So, let me get this straight, Neji. Your brilliant plan was to have Sasuke here disguise himself as me? And you didn't think that something might go wrong?" Her voice had taken on the eerily calm tone that Neji knew preceded an explosion of violence. "And you, Sasuke you went along with this?"

The Uchiha just looked away.

"Well, I expected something stupid from Sasuke," Tenten growled. "I mean, no offence, but Sasuke, you're pretty much the poster boy for bad decision making." She glared at Neji. "But I expected better from you."

With a growl, Tenten drew a pair of kunai and lunged at Neji. They went down in a tangle of limbs, Tenten doing her best to stab him to death and Neji doing everything he could to avoid being turned into a pincushion.

"Stop struggling!" Tenten screamed. "You're only making me madder."

Sasuke managed to get two steps before the pair rolling around on the ground dragged him into the battle.

And that was the scene that Hiashi walked into when he and several other Hyuga arrived to investigate the sounds of screaming coming from Neji's room. The three ninja were a mess of tangled limbs, with both Sasuke and Tenten trying to strangle Neji.

Hiashi coughed politely to gain their attention. "Well," he said, far too traumatised by this point to really care. "It would seem that your interest is not only confined to men, Neji." He nodded at Tenten whose shirt had gotten ripped open somewhere during the melee and Sasuke whose clothes were little better. "Still, at least this way I'll have some grandchildren."

X X X

**Author's Notes**

First of all I neither own Naruto, nor am I making any money off this.

Well, it's been a bit of a wait, but not nearly as long as the last time (the less said about that the better). I just couldn't resist continuing on the little sub-plot about Sasuke and Neji's failed attempt at genius. I will say however, that pretty much the entire first scene, particularly the bit where Sasuke deals with his conscience were last minute additions (this seems to happen a lot with this story, it just seems to be the way of things).

I thought it would also be good to have Naruto and Hinata dealing with each other in a less formal situation, and the orphanage seemed like a good place. I can definitely see Naruto visiting to try and keep the children happy. Of course, with someone like Naruto in their lives, the children are going to be pretty mischievous.

On a side note, I find the use of Edo Tensei in the manga hilarious, which is probably not the reaction that they are going for. I am seriously waiting for Kabuto to use it to reanimate his dead pet rabbit or something (and now that I've thought about it a bit, I have this urge to slip something like that into a later chapter, but we'll see). That's not to say that I don't understand how horrifying it is. For example, watching Asuma and his team fight each other is quite sad, but really, it's not a question of who they reanimated, but who _didn't_ they reanimate.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.


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